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Rudy | Posted: Nov 11 2010, 07:45 PM |
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kyonpalm | Posted: Nov 25 2010, 05:25 AM | ||
Professional Amateur Group: ADMINISTRATOR Posts: 10,568 Member No.: 30,882 Joined: Oct 16th 2008 Location: Laniakea | I'm so glad to see an update to this story. Even more glad to see the writing's just as good as I remember it. Very entertaining, and
Eagerly waiting for more. | ||
Proud Contributor of the Music Section Revival Project |
Rudy | Posted: Dec 5 2010, 10:18 PM |
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Rudy | Posted: Sep 3 2013, 01:12 AM |
Unregistered | (THIS POST WAS REMOVED BY REQUEST) This post has been edited by Rudy on Nov 23 2014, 01:55 AM |
wing_0 | Posted: Sep 3 2013, 07:49 AM |
IDW Expert Member Group: Members Posts: 126 Member No.: 24,095 Joined: Apr 21st 2007 Location: That Poland place | Nice comback, Dori! Loved the writing and how you kept the action going. The attention to detail was nice too and Kenta's texts were an interesting addition. Hope the next installment comes after a shorter pause |
Hannah | Posted: Sep 3 2013, 10:01 AM |
Remember Me Group: PONY FANATIC Posts: 2,243 Member No.: 8,296 Joined: Jun 19th 2005 Location: Update Profile | Enjoyed this chapter, its hard to believe you poured this out in only one night!! Please keep it up, I want to see more and I hope your muse comes out more often! Speaking of muses, i would like to know if any other fanfics are going to be updated this year? [ Post made via Mobile Device ] |
Meteor | Posted: Sep 3 2013, 04:54 PM | ||||||
Were you expecting something else? Group: Advanced Members Posts: 3,921 Member No.: 20,929 Joined: Oct 14th 2006 Location: Some place in South-East Asia | >Dominic Wanger >1974 Fairlady 260Z Once again, I'm seeing what you did there.
This could've been a little less TP though. Anyway, glad to see you writing again and great to see this fic finally getting an update. The Mira-avoiding scene was a little confusing at first (had trouble figuring out the relative starting positions of both cars, including the S12's angle to the road), but it ultimately made complete sense after a little rereading. And the sudden switches to present tense here and there were something I'm not used to, but in this case I couldn't actually find them wrong even if I did find them a little jarring. As for typos, I've only spotted two so far.
Talking more about the chapter itself though: I liked it. It was a good way of bringing this fic back, and its showing you're clearly still set to write in top form. Your writing style still makes for good reading, the chapter was interesting throughout whether there were cars driving around or just people talking to each other, the short race scene here was nicely done, and the whole thing is simply a worthy new chapter to Heikou Sen. And boy was the English representation of Keisuke's kuza speak amusing to read. Again, I'm glad to see this fic updated and just like before, I'm still looking forward to more. You're definitely still capable of continuing to write this story well, so I know this still very promising story isn't going to disappoint. Keep on writing. I really want to see what you've got in store for us with this one.
I know mine will be. | ||||||
Rudy | Posted: Nov 23 2014, 04:55 AM |
Unregistered | (THIS POST WAS REMOVED BY REQUEST) This post has been edited by Rudy on Nov 23 2014, 05:17 AM |
Hannah | Posted: Nov 23 2014, 06:01 AM | ||
Remember Me Group: PONY FANATIC Posts: 2,243 Member No.: 8,296 Joined: Jun 19th 2005 Location: Update Profile | (y) ... (y) (y) (y) ... (y)(y)(y)(y)(y)(y)(y)(y)(y)(y) Damn it, this isn't working! ..Oh, it's not facebook.
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Tuskano | Posted: Nov 23 2014, 04:00 PM | ||||
IDW Supremo Member Group: Advanced Members Posts: 916 Member No.: 38,740 Joined: Jun 29th 2012 Location: Guam, Earth |
Heck yea it was!
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wing_0 | Posted: Dec 2 2014, 02:12 PM |
IDW Expert Member Group: Members Posts: 126 Member No.: 24,095 Joined: Apr 21st 2007 Location: That Poland place | Nice update, I liked how it pushed things forward. For a second I expected Iketani to reject the cash due to company policy, but then again - stimulus package Any details on Pierre's Corolla? Is it a plain Euro or US Corolla, or something more special? |
Rudy | Posted: Dec 2 2014, 03:27 PM |
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Meteor | Posted: Dec 25 2014, 03:34 PM | ||||||||||||||||||
Were you expecting something else? Group: Advanced Members Posts: 3,921 Member No.: 20,929 Joined: Oct 14th 2006 Location: Some place in South-East Asia | First, the usual bit of proofreading.
"was" should be taken out here.
You mean Kenji. I momentarily thought we were dealing with a different character here.
Missing a space before the "Maybe Miata" part.
"time card(s)" misspelled here as "time cars".
The different parts of this sentence aren't fitting together well grammatically. One way of fixing this would be to simply change "looked" to "looking". Also, "owner" should probably be changed to plural here.
missing a "not" in the "definitely gaining" part.
Maybe a "putting on" here.
"could never have happened". (nice description of Switchback-land by the way)
"indecisive". And now for the part where I talk about the chapter itself. I found this to be a good update as usual and an interesting set-up chapter. I liked the focus on the Speed Stars, the little look at how each of the two main drivers are trying to get by given the nature of their respective cars and finances, how the Speed Stars interacted with these new foreign racers, the dialogue, the general writing... I'm not exactly leaving much out at this rate am I? It wasn't a chapter with super-exciting mountain pass action, but what it does bring is still welcome, and was still executed just as well. I know I enjoyed reading it all the way, and I'm quite looking forward to seeing where these new plot threads lead in the chapters to come. Same for all the plot threads from the previous chapters too. More chapters and more quality writing please. And regarding Hibiscus' ponderings (assuming she was pondering) of what the heck a Chin Dynasty is. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Qin_dynasty It's basically a pun on that. Yes, the Q is actually a ch/ch-ish sound. | ||||||||||||||||||
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