Initial D World - Discussion Board / Forums
   
Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register )Resend Validation Email

DJ Panel ( Server Stats )   Song History   Initial D World Chat Room (Discord)   Broadband Stream
RADIO BROADCAST » streaming at 96kbps with 9 unique listeners, playing Atrium - Supersonic Fire

       

3 Pages  1 2 3  ( Go to first unread post )

Views: 12,591  ·  Replies: 62 
> [FANFIC] Initial D: Heikou Sen Pass FIVE, Of Foreign Friends or Foes
Rudy
  Posted: Jul 3 2008, 10:46 PM


Unregistered












(THIS POST WAS REMOVED BY REQUEST)


This post has been edited by Rudy on Nov 23 2014, 04:56 AM
Meteor
Posted: Jul 3 2008, 11:07 PM


Were you expecting something else?
**********

Group: Advanced Members
Posts: 3,855
Member No.: 20,929
Joined: Oct 14th 2006
Location: Some place in South-East Asia





So you're rebooting your last fic. . .

Good start = Me want MOAR!

However. . Spelling mistakes (and one missing word).

QUOTE
Shooting down the straightaway at speeds in excess of 200 km/h, a fearsome roar of a high-strung turbo I4, unmuffled and brutal, echoed off the mountainside, the driver grabbing for fifth gear as the raced by observer. The speed was nothing short of amazing, and the FC driver had a pretty good look at the vehicle - yet still couldn't make heads or tails of the primer-black rat rod that became of this hatchback. It was the spitting image of an AE86, yet was not the car.


This post has been edited by Meteor on Jul 3 2008, 11:09 PM
red comet 7
Posted: Jul 3 2008, 11:12 PM


IDW Regular Member
********

Group: Members
Posts: 238
Member No.: 24,875
Joined: Jun 17th 2007
Location: Grand Bay AL





SOOO......MANY......FAN FICS!!!!!!! blink.gif
Rudy
  Posted: Jul 3 2008, 11:13 PM


Unregistered












(THIS POST WAS REMOVED BY REQUEST)


This post has been edited by Reiji Dorifuta on Jul 3 2008, 11:20 PM
red comet 7
Posted: Jul 3 2008, 11:14 PM


IDW Regular Member
********

Group: Members
Posts: 238
Member No.: 24,875
Joined: Jun 17th 2007
Location: Grand Bay AL





i'm liking the the time frame of this one actually.
Rudy
  Posted: Jul 3 2008, 11:17 PM


Unregistered












(THIS POST WAS REMOVED BY REQUEST)
Meteor
Posted: Jul 4 2008, 01:41 AM


Were you expecting something else?
**********

Group: Advanced Members
Posts: 3,855
Member No.: 20,929
Joined: Oct 14th 2006
Location: Some place in South-East Asia





QUOTE
If I don't see the kind of response I'm hoping for by Chapter 5, I'll terminate it permanently and just put the pen down altogether and focus on Drift City/roleplaying on WBS. sad.gif

Just curious. What is the kind of response you're looking for?

Or would you rather not say?
Hannah
Posted: Jul 4 2008, 10:05 AM


Remember Me
Group Icon

Group: PONY FANATIC
Posts: 2,240
Member No.: 8,296
Joined: Jun 19th 2005
Location: Update Profile





I agree, this revamped chapter is much better... Save for the typing errors. Unbelievable how you can misspell the name of your very own character, several times no less. XD
I also like the small inside jokes and how you portrayed Ryousuke in this story. As well as Masato. I like Masato's attitude better now.

Rudy
  Posted: Jul 4 2008, 10:31 AM


Unregistered












(THIS POST WAS REMOVED BY REQUEST)
wing_0
Posted: Jul 4 2008, 11:06 AM


IDW Expert Member
******

Group: Members
Posts: 126
Member No.: 24,095
Joined: Apr 21st 2007
Location: That Poland place





It's hard to judge from the prologue, but it looks interesting. I wonder what will be Matsuda's reaction to seeing proper touge racing. I'm interested how it'll develop further, a non-gaijin fic is something pretty unDoriish. tongue.gif Actually I did initially think it's a Tsukihime/Melty Blood crossover (my mind made me read the title as Kohaku Heikou), but well... it still seems interesting. Keep it up. ^^

This post has been edited by wing_0 on Jul 4 2008, 11:07 AM
Rudy
  Posted: Jul 4 2008, 11:09 AM


Unregistered












(THIS POST WAS REMOVED BY REQUEST)
Sanae
Posted: Jul 4 2008, 11:26 AM


IDW Okamisan
**********

Group: Advanced Members
Posts: 1,514
Member No.: 19,388
Joined: Aug 7th 2006
Location: Milan, Italy





QUOTE (Reiji Dorifuta @ Today at 9:09 PM)
Ask Paula. I requested her translate "Parallel Lines" to Japanese. I assume her translation is accurate. :sweat:


Eto....if by 'lines' you meant speech ones, then the translation is correct.

However, if by 'lines' you meant physical lines as in two cars travelling in parallel lines, then the words you need are "heikou sen" (併行線).

At any rate, I do like your story and I certainly hope you'll continue it. happy.gif

EDIT: Added the kanji in case you want to look it up.

This post has been edited by Sanae on Jul 4 2008, 11:33 AM
Proud Contributor of the Music Section Revival Project
twitchykun
Posted: Jul 4 2008, 12:36 PM


F*ck land I'm on a boat Motherf*cker!
**********

Group: Advanced Members
Posts: 2,504
Member No.: 20,454
Joined: Sep 24th 2006
Location: Santa Destroy, California





if you don't continue this, i'll out-touge you.
Drew
Posted: Jul 6 2008, 06:44 PM


Bought not Built
**********

Group: Advanced Members
Posts: 3,941
Member No.: 12,733
Joined: Sep 23rd 2005
Location: Driving through the night, down the hills...





^Yeah, don't pull another effing Carbon canyon on us and lose interest by chapter 8, alright?

And yeah, the rewrite is a lot better than the first one. Keep it up and don't go too effing crazy, got it?
Nomake Wan
Posted: Jul 25 2008, 02:05 AM


ShiMACHaze
**********

Group: Advanced Members
Posts: 19,212
Member No.: 5,394
Joined: Feb 5th 2005
Location: Drydock





QUOTE (Turbo_Levin_13 @ Jul 6 2008, 07:44 PM)
^Yeah, don't pull another effing Carbon canyon on us and lose interest by chapter 8, alright?

And yeah, the rewrite is a lot better than the first one. Keep it up and don't go too effing crazy, got it?

f**king agreed. If you pull that bullshit one more time, I swear to god I'll never read anything you write until the end of time.

This one is GREAT so far.
Proud Contributor of the Music Section Revival Project
Dave Rodgers
Posted: Jul 25 2008, 06:09 AM


Man who stand on toilet high on pot.
**********

Group: Advanced Members
Posts: 2,930
Member No.: 10,501
Joined: Jul 22nd 2005
Location: Neo-New York City





Ease up on the adjectives, Ace. I know you're trying to sound better than the usual fanfic writers, but you're smacking us over the head with some ponderous writing here.

For example...

QUOTE
It was just another mostly-quiet morning in Akina, as darkness still had a full cloak over the amazing landscape of this relatively undeveloped town.


Reworked.

QUOTE
It was quiet in the early hours.  The sun had yet to rise, and so the town of Akina slumbered amidst the untouched countryside.


Instead of slamming my readers over the head with factual detail like a documentary, I leave the undeveloped nature of the town to be implied with my words. It is, of course, quiet, not 'mostly' quiet or "slightly" quiet - too many descriptors before your adjectives make for a very ponderous read.

It is decent at best, but could do with a little work.

This post has been edited by Dave Rodgers on Jul 25 2008, 08:00 AM
red comet 7
Posted: Jul 25 2008, 09:44 AM


IDW Regular Member
********

Group: Members
Posts: 238
Member No.: 24,875
Joined: Jun 17th 2007
Location: Grand Bay AL





umm where be the chapter two? blink.gif
Dave Rodgers
Posted: Jul 25 2008, 11:06 AM


Man who stand on toilet high on pot.
**********

Group: Advanced Members
Posts: 2,930
Member No.: 10,501
Joined: Jul 22nd 2005
Location: Neo-New York City





I'm on it!

just kidding

Even I'm not that huge an asshole to finish someone's fic.
Rudy
  Posted: Jul 26 2008, 07:46 PM


Unregistered












(THIS POST WAS REMOVED BY REQUEST)


This post has been edited by Dorifuta on Sep 7 2013, 09:16 PM
Hannah
Posted: Jul 26 2008, 08:06 PM


Remember Me
Group Icon

Group: PONY FANATIC
Posts: 2,240
Member No.: 8,296
Joined: Jun 19th 2005
Location: Update Profile





初コメントGET!!
[First comment GET]
*shriek*
This is the best of Heiko Sen I've seen thus far. I really hope you continue this story for a long time. This brings out the best of Iketani, and you really do an awesome job of it!!
MOAR PLZ
twitchykun
Posted: Jul 26 2008, 08:14 PM


F*ck land I'm on a boat Motherf*cker!
**********

Group: Advanced Members
Posts: 2,504
Member No.: 20,454
Joined: Sep 24th 2006
Location: Santa Destroy, California





damnit Dori. How long are you gonna keep me waiting?
Meteor
Posted: Jul 26 2008, 08:54 PM


Were you expecting something else?
**********

Group: Advanced Members
Posts: 3,855
Member No.: 20,929
Joined: Oct 14th 2006
Location: Some place in South-East Asia





Awesome update Dori.
Who'll win?! Iketani?! Nakazato?!
QUOTE (Paula-tan)
MOAR PLZ

Seconded biggrin.gif

BTW. .
QUOTE
Iketani, with all his focus, concentration and drive charged in hard. You wore your tires thin trying to run away, but this is where the fight is decided! Being this close behind you at the end clears mour team of 'fraud' status, but it isn't enough! You caused so many hardships for our team by spreading those rumors, Nakazato... the payback starts here! Iketani nosed in, crawling beside the exhausted R33 at the last possible second. This is what the speed stars are really made of~!

Just thought I'd point that out.
wing_0
Posted: Jul 27 2008, 01:28 AM


IDW Expert Member
******

Group: Members
Posts: 126
Member No.: 24,095
Joined: Apr 21st 2007
Location: That Poland place





So that part made it to the final chapter... yay! Race scene is top notch, comprehensive and interesting, you've came a long way, Dori. Iketani's character got developed in a curious way too, can't wait to see how it'll affect later story arcs.
Nomake Wan
Posted: Aug 12 2008, 05:54 AM


ShiMACHaze
**********

Group: Advanced Members
Posts: 19,212
Member No.: 5,394
Joined: Feb 5th 2005
Location: Drydock





I did my edit of chapter one. There were a bunch of things I wanted to change but figured were the right of the author (Cobra radios, *86 voicemail, observers interchanging Skyline/R33/GT-R on the radio for the description of Nakazato's car, etc), so I left them alone. The one thing that I know is a factor of the author which I changed is 'Zetto'. Dori, there's no car called a Zetto. It's not a Fairlady Zetto, Dori. 'Zetto' is how the Japanese pronounce the letter 'Z'. It's a Fairlady Z. A Z. The chapter has been edited to correct this mistake.
Proud Contributor of the Music Section Revival Project
Rudy
  Posted: Aug 19 2008, 02:48 PM


Unregistered












(THIS POST WAS REMOVED BY REQUEST)

3 Pages  1 2 3