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> [FANFIC] Initial D: Heikou Sen Pass FIVE, Of Foreign Friends or Foes
Rudy
  Posted: Nov 11 2010, 07:45 PM


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kyonpalm
Posted: Nov 25 2010, 05:25 AM


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I'm so glad to see an update to this story. Even more glad to see the writing's just as good as I remember it.
Very entertaining, and
SPOILER

Eagerly waiting for more. awesome.gif
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Rudy
  Posted: Dec 5 2010, 10:18 PM


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Rudy
  Posted: Sep 3 2013, 01:12 AM


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This post has been edited by Rudy on Nov 23 2014, 01:55 AM
wing_0
Posted: Sep 3 2013, 07:49 AM


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Nice comback, Dori! Loved the writing and how you kept the action going. The attention to detail was nice too and Kenta's texts were an interesting addition. Hope the next installment comes after a shorter pause wink2.gif
Hannah
Posted: Sep 3 2013, 10:01 AM


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Enjoyed this chapter, its hard to believe you poured this out in only one night!! Please keep it up, I want to see more and I hope your muse comes out more often!
Speaking of muses, i would like to know if any other fanfics are going to be updated this year?

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Meteor
Posted: Sep 3 2013, 04:54 PM


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>Dominic Wanger
>1974 Fairlady 260Z

Once again, I'm seeing what you did there.

QUOTE
Daiki “Dice” Ninomiya

This could've been a little less TP though.

Anyway, glad to see you writing again and great to see this fic finally getting an update. The Mira-avoiding scene was a little confusing at first (had trouble figuring out the relative starting positions of both cars, including the S12's angle to the road), but it ultimately made complete sense after a little rereading. And the sudden switches to present tense here and there were something I'm not used to, but in this case I couldn't actually find them wrong even if I did find them a little jarring. As for typos, I've only spotted two so far.
QUOTE
This was his first time back to the streets in a while, and all of that theory of faint braking and progressive lines just seemed to be thrown out the window.

Mira is 1 foot away, but now both cars are facing nearly the same direction and Masato is looking at the direction he just came from – and the huge wake of water he chaos has kicked up.

Talking more about the chapter itself though: I liked it. It was a good way of bringing this fic back, and its showing you're clearly still set to write in top form. Your writing style still makes for good reading, the chapter was interesting throughout whether there were cars driving around or just people talking to each other, the short race scene here was nicely done, and the whole thing is simply a worthy new chapter to Heikou Sen.

And boy was the English representation of Keisuke's kuza speak amusing to read.

Again, I'm glad to see this fic updated and just like before, I'm still looking forward to more. You're definitely still capable of continuing to write this story well, so I know this still very promising story isn't going to disappoint. Keep on writing. I really want to see what you've got in store for us with this one.


QUOTE
Speaking of muses, i would like to know if any other fanfics are going to be updated this year?

I know mine will be.
Rudy
  Posted: Nov 23 2014, 04:55 AM


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This post has been edited by Rudy on Nov 23 2014, 05:17 AM
Hannah
Posted: Nov 23 2014, 06:01 AM


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(y)
...
(y) (y) (y)
...
(y)(y)(y)(y)(y)(y)(y)(y)(y)(y)
Damn it, this isn't working! ..Oh, it's not facebook.
SPOILER
Tuskano
Posted: Nov 23 2014, 04:00 PM


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QUOTE (Rudy @ Today, 4:55 AM)
“Well, this is going to be one hell of a status update.”

Heck yea it was!

SPOILER
wing_0
Posted: Dec 2 2014, 02:12 PM


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Nice update, I liked how it pushed things forward. For a second I expected Iketani to reject the cash due to company policy, but then again - stimulus package wink2.gif Any details on Pierre's Corolla? Is it a plain Euro or US Corolla, or something more special?
Rudy
  Posted: Dec 2 2014, 03:27 PM


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Meteor
Posted: Dec 25 2014, 03:34 PM


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First, the usual bit of proofreading.
QUOTE
And two of the cars was definitely were US imports.

"was" should be taken out here.
QUOTE
By now Keiji had already started fueling the Corolla – which looked unlike any Corolla he'd ever seen in person

You mean Kenji. I momentarily thought we were dealing with a different character here.
QUOTE
... which strangely said 'MX-5 Miata' on the back of it.Maybe Miata was the version they called with this weird fastback roof that the car had.

Missing a space before the "Maybe Miata" part.
QUOTE
He watched as Iketani parked his car near the garage and punched his old-fashioned time cars, before adjusting his hat and jumping in to assist with Kenji.

"time card(s)" misspelled here as "time cars".
QUOTE
Iketani and Kenji make their way to the pair of Mitsubishis, although each of them would be stopped by the owner of the respective cars looked them dead in the eye, arms folded.

The different parts of this sentence aren't fitting together well grammatically. One way of fixing this would be to simply change "looked" to "looking". Also, "owner" should probably be changed to plural here.
QUOTE
If you really want to meet Akina's AE86, which is literally rotting apart from the inside out, you're definitely gaining yourself any points.

missing a "not" in the "definitely gaining" part.
QUOTE
That's because his 180SX has had so many mechanical failures that the money he does try to save into at least putting decent bolt-in brakes

Maybe a "putting on" here.
QUOTE
He felt a connection between himself and Iketani, a connection that could never happened with those pro-schmo racers out in Switchback-land, as he liked to call Happogahara's steering-pump-torturing course.

"could never have happened". (nice description of Switchback-land by the way)
QUOTE
But he had a solution. He glanced over to his sister, with an indecidive look. “Should I, sis?”

"indecisive".

And now for the part where I talk about the chapter itself. I found this to be a good update as usual and an interesting set-up chapter. I liked the focus on the Speed Stars, the little look at how each of the two main drivers are trying to get by given the nature of their respective cars and finances, how the Speed Stars interacted with these new foreign racers, the dialogue, the general writing... I'm not exactly leaving much out at this rate am I?
It wasn't a chapter with super-exciting mountain pass action, but what it does bring is still welcome, and was still executed just as well. I know I enjoyed reading it all the way, and I'm quite looking forward to seeing where these new plot threads lead in the chapters to come. Same for all the plot threads from the previous chapters too. More chapters and more quality writing please.

And regarding Hibiscus' ponderings (assuming she was pondering) of what the heck a Chin Dynasty is.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Qin_dynasty
It's basically a pun on that. Yes, the Q is actually a ch/ch-ish sound.

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