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Views: 2,274  ·  Replies: 8 
> [FANFIC] Thirteen candles, one car, A fanfiction by [Dreaming_of_You]
[Dreaming_Of_You]
  Posted: May 30 2007, 03:05 AM


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A dark blue FC was coming down the Happogahra pass. Spectators in the crowd laughed and made fun of the FC as it came around the corner. The FC exited the corner and took off into the night. The car that had past the crowd before the FC, received much applause as it passed by the crowd, the yellow EK9 was ahead by three hairpins.

Daiki was on the third last corner till the finish line, the blue FC was too far behind to catch up now. The FC was coming into a drift, four corners behind the EK9.

Just before the finish line, the EK9s light shined through the night, the cars engine could be heard coming closer from the distant. The EK9 was obviously was going to win, yet Daiki did not slow down; he floored it through the last corner and through the finish line.

The blue FC came through the finish line a quarter of a minute later. Members waited for the FC to stop. Daiki already had a lot of members gathered around him, a dozen of them from his team.

The FC stopped a few metres away from the crowd. The door half opened, no one stood out for a while, but after a few seconds later, a foot appeared, followed by fingers, followed by a young mans body. A boy of 18 stepped out of the car. Sweat dripped from his forehead, the boy did not take notice and instead he smiled.

Members from the crowd that surrounded the EK9 slowly moved towards the FC.

Among the crowd, Daiki pushed through and smiled at the boy from the FC. Daiki had a warm smile on his face, the darkened complexion on his face suddenly lit up. His eyes seem to stare at the boy, amazed.

“Whats your name boy? Asked Daiki holding out his hand

“Leon, Leo for short.” Smiled the boy as he extended his hand towards Daikis hand

Leo shook Daikis hand firmly, Leo felt something when he shook his hand, Daiki was a nice person, although Daiki had one by a lot, he still seemed to be nice about it and did not brag.

“You almost had me going there for a second, but after the sharp V turn, I think you confused your gears a little.” Said Daiki

“Yeah, im still getting use to shifting the gears, I cant really concentrate on more then one thing.” Smiled Leo

This was usual for a beginning racer, so nobody laughed.

“How long have youve been driving that FC of yours, it doesnt look like its in good shape, if you dont mind me saying so.” Daiki walked over and put his hand on top of the FCs hood.

The hood was still warm from the run, Daiki pulled his hand back immediately after touching it.

“The cars stock, I bought it from uncle.” Leo smiled pulling the latch under to open the hood.

Leo walked to the front of his car with his hands in his pocket.

“Are you sure its stock, it still goes pretty quickly.” Said Daiki

The hood popped up.

The crowd gathered around and looked at the engine. It was a stock 13b rotary engine connected to a twin turbine turbo. Heat was coming from the engine. Daikis face suddenly looked pale.

The car was perfectly stock. There was nothing different to the car apart from the new seat covers and rims.

“The car is stock, I cant believe your car could keep up with me, my car was built for the downhill yet your car could keep up with mine.” Daiki muttered staring at his EK9, the yellow paint seemed more dull then ever.

Thank you for reading, please comment me.
Meteor
Posted: May 30 2007, 10:26 AM


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It's got potential. You may want to fix the spelling errors though.
[Dreaming_Of_You]
  Posted: Jun 6 2007, 01:53 AM


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Took me a while to make this.

Leon was sleeping in his car. The blue FC he had inherited from his uncle. The front seat was bent back for Leon to sleep on. The car was parked in the parking lot in Mount Akinas lake. The sun was already shimmering in the reflection of the lake. It was a cloud less day, the sun was up, yet the moon was still quiet visible in the sky.

Leon woke up as he heard a couple of cars past him. His eyes were still squeezed shut together, trying to block out the sun light, filtering through the tinted windows of the FC.
Leon lifted his knee to stretch, as his knee stretched out, he accidentally pressed his knee against the horn. The sound blasted throughout Akina Lake. Leon woke up with a jolt.

Leon scanned his surroundings. He was in his car alone. A can of coffee was in the drink holder. Leon wiped his eyes, and yawned. His arm mindlessly reached for the can of coffee. With his eye still shut, he drank a mouth full of the coffee and wiped his mouth.

Leon pulled his chair up into position and grabbed his keys out of his pocket. The keys that were meant to be in his pocket, the keys werent there anymore, Leon pulled his pockets empty, wide awake now Leon looked around his car for his keys. The doors were all closed, all except the one to his right. The plug that usually closed the door was pulled up meaning some one could have stolen his keys while he was sleeping.

“No, think properly Leo, if they took your keys, what stopped them from taking the FC?” Leo thought to himself.

Leo felt a surge of panic flow through him with every breath. He knew logically that the key couldnt disappear into thin air. It had to be in the car somewhere. He stared around his car, his heart started to miss beats. Leo opened the door of the FC and stepped out.

The keys lay perfectly still on his seat. He had been sitting on the key the whole time.

Leon was relived and put his keys in the car and started it up, he was ready for some races down or up Akina Mountain. It was only four o clock in the morning but there would still be some racers up there practicing. He could already hear the cars coming down.

The FC started off slowly with a trot, the car first unwillingly started but slowly purred to life moments later. The 13b roared to life as it hit 60km/ph around the corner of Akina Lake and onto bottom of Akinas mountain pass.

As the FC made its way up the Akina Mountain, a faint sound could be heard coming down the down hill. Screeching of the tires could be heard. Not just normal screeching from a sharp brake turn, but the screeching of a full four wheel drifts.

“The car should be down here in a about two dozen seconds.” Leo had predicted

The FC was already almost at the top, So Leo decided to swing the car around and race the car down the pass.

The FC was going at a good paste of 50km/ph as he waited for the car.

Soon the car was in view. It was a white car. A white car with retractable head lights, there was no trace of a turbo so it was a non turbo car.

As the car came down Leo started to quicken his pace. Waiting for the car to level out with his own car, the two cars were still both on the straights before a sharp V corner.

The two cars soon came down the straight next to each other. The FC was on the inside and the other car on the outside.

“A Trueno, a 1987 model, looks like its stock, I cant hear a turbo, nice car I guess, but mines better!” As Leo said that he smiled to himself.

Leo hit the brakes on his FC, not bothering to drift, instead he steered the wheel as far as he could to the bright while shifting the gears rapidly throughout the turn. The FC made the turn rather quickly.

The Trueno stopped suddenly and slid into a four wheel drift around the corner. Hardly losing speed at the exit, the Trueno took off after the FC. The FC was forced to block the Trueno as the roads were too thin at this section of the pass.

The two cars drifted into the next turn in synchronization, a few moments later, the Trueno had over taken.


ryousuke
Posted: Jun 6 2007, 03:50 AM


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I really like your story so far, keep it up !
FinToy-83
Posted: Jun 6 2007, 08:49 AM


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QUOTE ([Dreaming_Of_You)
,Today at 1:53 AM] Leon was sleeping in his car. The blue FC he had inherited from his uncle. The front seat was bent back for Leon to sleep on. The car was parked in the parking lot in Mount Akinas lake.  The sun was already shimmering in the reflection of the lake. It was a cloud less day, the sun was up, yet the moon was still quiet visible in the sky.

it has potential, keep it up.. BUT.. the first 5 sentences were bit blunt and short. the last one was better, more pleasant to read. your writing got better towards the end, as if you had been just warming up. maybe you shouldd try writing short, meaningless scribbles before going on the actual story, that way you'd be already in operating temperature.. sorta. unsure.gif you could also try listening music while writing.

This post has been edited by FinToy-83 on Jun 6 2007, 08:49 AM
[Dreaming_Of_You]
  Posted: Jun 7 2007, 02:11 AM


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I like to eat food, I like to eat cows, I like beef, I like souvlaki, souvlaki is good. (this is my start to get warmed up LOL!)

Ok here we go.

The FC was left behind in the dust, still desperately trying to keep up, the FC swung around another corner to find that the 86 had disappeared from sight completely. Even the sound was not in the air anymore, the 86 Trueno could not be heard at all.

“Dammit!” Yelled Leo pulling at his steering wheel in attempt to catch up

Although he knew that he could not catch up anymore, his head wouldnt give up, he had his racers pride to live up to and he wasnt about to lose to an old hatch back. His friends called him Leonsuke the hothead, and soon people started calling him Leo, because Leo represented lions and lions were hot headed.

The FC flashed down the straights and turns, after every turn the car picked up more speed. Soon, the FC was coming out at speeds of 80km/ph. For a car with 180hp that was quiet impressive. The beautiful sound of a rotary engine emitted throughout the entire mountain. Yet after the final hair pin, there was still no sign of the mysterious Trueno.

The horn of the FC echoed through Mount Akina.

It was almost in the afternoon when the FC had returned to Akagi. Leo had decided to go to Akagi mall to have lunch.

As Leo slowly parked his car, he realized there were two other street cars. A Lancer EVO III and a Lancer EVO seven, both cars looked as if it had been worked on for hours and hours. Both had body kits that were lowered to the ground. The evo seven had a carbon hood and a dark metallic grey paint job. The EVO IV had a plain hood, a high rear end spoiler and a white paint job. Leo nodded at the team sticker.

“Wolf.” Leo muttered to himself, it wasnt a team he was familiar with

After about an hour Leo had walked out of the mall and came out with a can of coke and a burger in his hand. Leo sat on a seat next to his own FC admiring the shine it gave off.

After he had half ate his burger, two men, about the age of 25 came in. They were obviously not from around this prefecture. Leo pretended after he had half eaten his burger, two men, about the age of 25 came in, they were obviously not from around this prefecture. Leo pretended not to notice them.

“You know what im sick of seeing these days?” one of the men asked

The other man slightly shook his head in answer.

“Little kids who start driving and entering the racing scene with an old Junker.”

“There just kids, they cant afford to start, didnt you start with an old car yourself?” asked the other man still not caring what the other was talking about and was much rather indulged into his milk shake

“Here we have a perfect example, a stupid 13b Mazda FC, its slower then half my car, rotaries are nothing, if you have less that 260hp then the car isnt a car, its a form of transport.” Smiled the man has he walked up to the FC and gave the rims a kick

Leonsuke couldnt take people making fun of his car, he clenched his fist and before he knew it he had yelled out.

“You and I, Akagi Mountain, right now!”
BOZZ Savage
Posted: Jun 7 2007, 09:49 AM


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QUOTE ([Dreaming_Of_You] @ Today at 3:11 AM)
After he had half ate his burger, two men, about the age of 25 came in. They were obviously not from around this prefecture. Leo pretended after he had half eaten his burger, two men, about the age of 25 came in, they were obviously not from around this prefecture. Leo pretended not to notice them.

You really need to fix that. I like this fanfic a lot grin2.gif good work.
ryousuke
Posted: Jun 7 2007, 11:11 AM


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Same here, really like it. “You and I, Akagi Mountain, right now!” I really love that happy.gif
Meteor
Posted: Jun 22 2007, 05:28 AM


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QUOTE
The Trueno stopped suddenly and slid into a four wheel drift around the corner.

You may want to fix that, and the other errors too. Anyway, this fic still has potential.

This post has been edited by Meteor on Jun 22 2007, 05:38 AM