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Rudy | Posted: Jul 3 2008, 10:46 PM |
Unregistered | (THIS POST WAS REMOVED BY REQUEST) This post has been edited by Rudy on Nov 23 2014, 04:56 AM |
Meteor | Posted: Jul 3 2008, 11:07 PM | ||
Were you expecting something else? Group: Advanced Members Posts: 3,921 Member No.: 20,929 Joined: Oct 14th 2006 Location: Some place in South-East Asia | So you're rebooting your last fic. . . Good start = Me want MOAR! However. . Spelling mistakes (and one missing word).
This post has been edited by Meteor on Jul 3 2008, 11:09 PM | ||
red comet 7 | Posted: Jul 3 2008, 11:12 PM |
IDW Regular Member Group: Members Posts: 238 Member No.: 24,875 Joined: Jun 17th 2007 Location: Grand Bay AL | SOOO......MANY......FAN FICS!!!!!!! |
Rudy | Posted: Jul 3 2008, 11:13 PM |
Unregistered | (THIS POST WAS REMOVED BY REQUEST) This post has been edited by Reiji Dorifuta on Jul 3 2008, 11:20 PM |
red comet 7 | Posted: Jul 3 2008, 11:14 PM |
IDW Regular Member Group: Members Posts: 238 Member No.: 24,875 Joined: Jun 17th 2007 Location: Grand Bay AL | i'm liking the the time frame of this one actually. |
Rudy | Posted: Jul 3 2008, 11:17 PM |
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Meteor | Posted: Jul 4 2008, 01:41 AM | ||
Were you expecting something else? Group: Advanced Members Posts: 3,921 Member No.: 20,929 Joined: Oct 14th 2006 Location: Some place in South-East Asia |
Just curious. What is the kind of response you're looking for? Or would you rather not say? | ||
Hannah | Posted: Jul 4 2008, 10:05 AM |
Remember Me Group: PONY FANATIC Posts: 2,243 Member No.: 8,296 Joined: Jun 19th 2005 Location: Update Profile | I agree, this revamped chapter is much better... Save for the typing errors. Unbelievable how you can misspell the name of your very own character, several times no less. XD I also like the small inside jokes and how you portrayed Ryousuke in this story. As well as Masato. I like Masato's attitude better now. |
Rudy | Posted: Jul 4 2008, 10:31 AM |
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wing_0 | Posted: Jul 4 2008, 11:06 AM |
IDW Expert Member Group: Members Posts: 126 Member No.: 24,095 Joined: Apr 21st 2007 Location: That Poland place | It's hard to judge from the prologue, but it looks interesting. I wonder what will be Matsuda's reaction to seeing proper touge racing. I'm interested how it'll develop further, a non-gaijin fic is something pretty unDoriish. Actually I did initially think it's a Tsukihime/Melty Blood crossover (my mind made me read the title as Kohaku Heikou), but well... it still seems interesting. Keep it up. ^^ This post has been edited by wing_0 on Jul 4 2008, 11:07 AM |
Rudy | Posted: Jul 4 2008, 11:09 AM |
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Sanae | Posted: Jul 4 2008, 11:26 AM | ||
IDW Okamisan Group: Advanced Members Posts: 1,514 Member No.: 19,388 Joined: Aug 7th 2006 Location: Milan, Italy |
Eto....if by 'lines' you meant speech ones, then the translation is correct. However, if by 'lines' you meant physical lines as in two cars travelling in parallel lines, then the words you need are "heikou sen" (併行線). At any rate, I do like your story and I certainly hope you'll continue it. EDIT: Added the kanji in case you want to look it up. This post has been edited by Sanae on Jul 4 2008, 11:33 AM | ||
Proud Contributor of IDW Forums and the Music Section Revival Project |
twitchykun | Posted: Jul 4 2008, 12:36 PM |
F*ck land I'm on a boat Motherf*cker! Group: Advanced Members Posts: 2,512 Member No.: 20,454 Joined: Sep 24th 2006 Location: Santa Destroy, California | if you don't continue this, i'll out-touge you. |
Drew | Posted: Jul 6 2008, 06:44 PM |
Bought not Built Group: Advanced Members Posts: 3,941 Member No.: 12,733 Joined: Sep 23rd 2005 Location: Driving through the night, down the hills... | ^Yeah, don't pull another effing Carbon canyon on us and lose interest by chapter 8, alright? And yeah, the rewrite is a lot better than the first one. Keep it up and don't go too effing crazy, got it? |
Nomake Wan | Posted: Jul 25 2008, 02:05 AM | ||
ShiMACHaze Group: Advanced Members Posts: 19,542 Member No.: 5,394 Joined: Feb 5th 2005 Location: Drydock |
f**king agreed. If you pull that bullshit one more time, I swear to god I'll never read anything you write until the end of time. This one is GREAT so far. | ||
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Dave Rodgers | Posted: Jul 25 2008, 06:09 AM | ||||
Man who stand on toilet high on pot. Group: Advanced Members Posts: 2,930 Member No.: 10,501 Joined: Jul 22nd 2005 Location: Neo-New York City | Ease up on the adjectives, Ace. I know you're trying to sound better than the usual fanfic writers, but you're smacking us over the head with some ponderous writing here. For example...
Reworked.
Instead of slamming my readers over the head with factual detail like a documentary, I leave the undeveloped nature of the town to be implied with my words. It is, of course, quiet, not 'mostly' quiet or "slightly" quiet - too many descriptors before your adjectives make for a very ponderous read. It is decent at best, but could do with a little work. This post has been edited by Dave Rodgers on Jul 25 2008, 08:00 AM | ||||
red comet 7 | Posted: Jul 25 2008, 09:44 AM |
IDW Regular Member Group: Members Posts: 238 Member No.: 24,875 Joined: Jun 17th 2007 Location: Grand Bay AL | umm where be the chapter two? |
Dave Rodgers | Posted: Jul 25 2008, 11:06 AM |
Man who stand on toilet high on pot. Group: Advanced Members Posts: 2,930 Member No.: 10,501 Joined: Jul 22nd 2005 Location: Neo-New York City | I'm on it! just kidding Even I'm not that huge an asshole to finish someone's fic. |
Rudy | Posted: Jul 26 2008, 07:46 PM |
Unregistered | (THIS POST WAS REMOVED BY REQUEST) This post has been edited by Dorifuta on Sep 7 2013, 09:16 PM |
Hannah | Posted: Jul 26 2008, 08:06 PM |
Remember Me Group: PONY FANATIC Posts: 2,243 Member No.: 8,296 Joined: Jun 19th 2005 Location: Update Profile | 初コメントGET!! [First comment GET] *shriek* This is the best of Heiko Sen I've seen thus far. I really hope you continue this story for a long time. This brings out the best of Iketani, and you really do an awesome job of it!! MOAR PLZ |
twitchykun | Posted: Jul 26 2008, 08:14 PM |
F*ck land I'm on a boat Motherf*cker! Group: Advanced Members Posts: 2,512 Member No.: 20,454 Joined: Sep 24th 2006 Location: Santa Destroy, California | damnit Dori. How long are you gonna keep me waiting? |
Meteor | Posted: Jul 26 2008, 08:54 PM | ||||
Were you expecting something else? Group: Advanced Members Posts: 3,921 Member No.: 20,929 Joined: Oct 14th 2006 Location: Some place in South-East Asia | Awesome update Dori. Who'll win?! Iketani?! Nakazato?!
Seconded BTW. .
Just thought I'd point that out. | ||||
wing_0 | Posted: Jul 27 2008, 01:28 AM |
IDW Expert Member Group: Members Posts: 126 Member No.: 24,095 Joined: Apr 21st 2007 Location: That Poland place | So that part made it to the final chapter... yay! Race scene is top notch, comprehensive and interesting, you've came a long way, Dori. Iketani's character got developed in a curious way too, can't wait to see how it'll affect later story arcs. |
Nomake Wan | Posted: Aug 12 2008, 05:54 AM |
ShiMACHaze Group: Advanced Members Posts: 19,542 Member No.: 5,394 Joined: Feb 5th 2005 Location: Drydock | I did my edit of chapter one. There were a bunch of things I wanted to change but figured were the right of the author (Cobra radios, *86 voicemail, observers interchanging Skyline/R33/GT-R on the radio for the description of Nakazato's car, etc), so I left them alone. The one thing that I know is a factor of the author which I changed is 'Zetto'. Dori, there's no car called a Zetto. It's not a Fairlady Zetto, Dori. 'Zetto' is how the Japanese pronounce the letter 'Z'. It's a Fairlady Z. A Z. The chapter has been edited to correct this mistake. |
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Rudy | Posted: Aug 19 2008, 02:48 PM |
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