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> G r e e t i n g s .
Master0fMadness
  Posted: Jul 31 2016, 09:01 PM


Midnight Lover
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No, I'm not Chara.

Although I did hit erase.

Yes, I know, I'm a little evil inside. awesome.gif

I don't believe I am above consequences, but perhaps I could explain why I'm here.

I hope we don't have a bad time. derp.gif

Okay, enough joking around and bad Undertale references. I'm sure the majority of whoever is still 'active' around these parts hates that game, anyway.

Look, if you're reading this and aren't sick of me lingering by now then there's something you deserve to know. Especially if you care. If you don't, just move on with your life and forget this thread exists. It will be better for the both of us.

You're still here? I guess you do care, at least a little. Thanks for sticking around, I'll try to keep this brief but it'll still be long as there's much to cover.

So what you need to know is the truth, the truth about me. More specifically, why I came to this website as a 'member' and not just a visitor 11 years ago. I was running, and hiding. It's a long story, but in a nutshell I came from another forum where a select few people who didn't care for me conspired to destroy my reputation and executed their plan flawlessly.

I was still quite pliable back then and the two people I trusted the most turned on me. In school, I was an introvert with no friends. Finding myself banned from the forums, well, it destroyed me. That was the only social life I had. I isolated myself from the world and put up a wall I thought could never truly be broken, then remembered something. I came here previously to ask some questions about a cartoon I liked and thought, perhaps if I just assume a new alias and forget about the past, things will be good.

Well, they weren't. I mean, it worked for a while, but about 3 years ago the cracks began to show. I always wanted to just fit in, to run with the 'cool crowd', to feel valued. I also struggled to come with what is fiction versus what is reality, having spent my entire adolescence on cruise control and buried in a world of bittorrented, imported cartoons, my perspective was skewed from the beginning. I guess as I grew older - wiser, one might suggest? - people's expectations of me here changed. Except I wasn't really developing.

I was still trying to emulate whatever was sating my appetite for... what, I honestly don't know. I guess I wanted to live out Initial D and Need for Speed Carbon indefinitely. I can't explain the mentality I had because I still don't fully comprehend just what it was I was going through. I didn't have enough "outside reality" or something.

By 2013, it was pretty apparent that I hadn't changed a bit. It rubbed a lot of you the wrong way. People who I thought were friends wanted nothing to do with me, but I just simply refused to accept that. Somewhat consciously, I might add. I know there was another stupid thing that happened with TheFadedSeraph that made me the laughing stock of the forums before then but frankly I can't remember the details.

In late 2014, I lost my mother and that threw me for yet another loop. I knew she was dying for years and years, but again - head in the sand. That's when I started getting REALLY desperate for attention.

Anyway, it all came to a head at a My Little Pony convention last December, and I had a total fucking meltdown in the presence of two other members here. Sorry, guys. Alcohol might have expedited the inevitable, but it was still bound to happen sooner or later.

kyonpalm, I... I'm sorry. I'm such a fucking fool. I get now why you don't want to be friends. It's more me than you. You're - in my head at the time at least - the reason I left and put Perry through all of that headache. If you can't forgive me, I can't hold that against you, but I at least hope you try to understand.

I didn't think it would go deeper than that, but there's never a good time to stop learning. Choosing an old alias to use for story-writing turned out to be a blessing for me as I finally realized my biggest fault yet - I was never really, 'me.' I mean, I was me, but... I was always trying to be somebody I wasn't. Maybe it was me trying to compensate for the natural social awkwardness that comes with being autistic. But, that's why I decided to return.

Not to gain 'street cred.'

Not to compete in a silly posting contest that amounts to anything.

Not to try to start fanclubs, or make as many friends as possible, or psyche my way into feeling important and wanted.

Not just for spectacle or attention. Though I have been feeling lonelier than ever these days.

And not to try to become a moderator - it should be painfully obvious I had no more interest in that when I had my account nuked.

None of the above reasons, no - I just returned to reintroduce me as myself. And, what better way to do that than use my old alias from days gone by? I have to start at the starting line, because honestly, for almost half my life I wasn't moving forward at all.

I was going to return sooner, but a corporate inversion knocked me out of my element when I found myself doing the same shit I spent 5 years trying to crawl out of. I'm somewhat happy with my job now, but eh. Maybe I need to learn a trade or something before it's too late.

So, yeah. I take full responsibility for all the shit I did back then. Sorry, guys. I hope I'm still welcome here.

This post has been edited by Master0fMadness on Jul 31 2016, 09:07 PM
Sensation!
Posted: Jul 31 2016, 09:23 PM


As expected of country grown vegetables
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Man, you fall for internet fads harder than rocks could hit the ground.
I think I have a feeling what's going to happen, though its up to the mod team. Best of luck.
APX
Posted: Jul 31 2016, 09:54 PM


Join the Empire today! Or die, rebel scum!
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Who the fuck is it? Dori?

Man up nigga.
Perry
Posted: Jul 31 2016, 10:06 PM


Like an eagle!
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I think I've mentioned this before, the problem is you care too much about what others think of you. You want to run with the "cool crowd," but the thing is, the act of fitting in is uncool by nature. That's the dilemma. I would pay no attention to what others think of me and focus on things I can achieve and excel in. By the time you become good in something, you may get some pleasant surprise.

Be good, be better, stay cool.
Proud Contributor of the Music Section Revival Project
THE_HONDA_CG2
Posted: Aug 1 2016, 12:27 AM


Patient Zero
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Don't mind the jerks. We seem to have some around here in spades. Just do you.

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]
RalliKai
Posted: Aug 1 2016, 05:54 AM


Hunter of epic shades.
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user posted image

Only got through the first two sentences. I've got to echo what Perry said that you put too much weight on what other people think of you. The only person's opinion you need to really concern yourself with is your own.
Master0fMadness
  Posted: Aug 1 2016, 08:19 AM


Midnight Lover
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QUOTE (THE_HONDA_CG2 @ 7 hours, 51 minutes ago)
Just do you.

That was the problem, all along.

I never really 'did me', if that makes sense. I was never trying to live for myself, I always had someone that I looked up to and followed.

I don't really know how to do me... but I'm slowly learning.

It probably sounds childish to say, but I never really knew how to be my own person.

I'm finding myself though, slowly. It's a learning experience.
xiao
  Posted: Aug 1 2016, 09:16 AM


moon★bunny
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QUOTE (RalliKai @ 2 hours, 33 minutes ago)
Didn't Read!!!

> Audio-books. cool.gif

--- --- ---

This is your brain:

user posted image
Image size reduced, original size: 2688 x 1520. Click here to view the image in its original dimension.

This is your brain on IDW:

user posted image

--- --- ---

@ DoriDori ~ nugga we fscking love ya mate, this is the internets... dun mind & keep on trucking in them Cartman police shades brotha~ awesome.gif user posted image ~ just have fun & dance like neko-xiao now that he's outta the closet/mikan~box! \(^o^)/☆彡 shifty2.gif ...
Nerubian
Posted: Aug 1 2016, 04:28 PM


Living in the woods when it's raining in the dark.
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No matter how hard you try, you can't force yourself from staying away from IDW. tongue.gif
Kiroshino
Posted: Aug 2 2016, 09:28 AM


IDW Goldmember
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QUOTE (Master0fMadness @ Yesterday, 12:01 AM)
Sorry, guys. Alcohol might have expedited the inevitable, but it was still bound to happen sooner or later.

To be fair, we were both excessively drunk that weekend. First and only time I've ever experienced a hangover.

You already know where I stand, so there's not much for me to say. Just take it one day at a time.
xiao
Posted: Aug 2 2016, 09:14 PM


moon★bunny
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QUOTE (Kiroshino @ Today, 11:28 AM)
To be fair, we were both excessively drunk that weekend.  First and only time I've ever experienced a hangover.

You already know where I stand, so there's not much for me to say.  Just take it one day at a time.

> Excessively drunk.
> No selfies of half-nakid sexy Mr. Chang cosplay.
> No drunk AW11 dorifuto in the maple leaf filled streets of New England...

★ Kiro, you guys are breakin' my achey~breaky heart man!! crying2.gif ~

★ More selfies next time please shifty2.gif ふふふ~
Perry
Posted: Aug 3 2016, 04:10 AM


Like an eagle!
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QUOTE (xiao @ 6 hours, 56 minutes ago)
★ Kiro, you guys are breakin' my achey~breaky heart man!! crying2.gif ~

Just be glad he's not breaking your broken sweaty back!! w00t2.gif
Proud Contributor of the Music Section Revival Project
Falbere
Posted: Aug 3 2016, 05:00 AM


osu★noob
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QUOTE (xiao @ 7 hours, 46 minutes ago)
> AW11 dorifuto

huh
that reminded me

i have this crazy friend who absolutely loves 1st gen mr2s... do u happen to use alternate aliases?
xiao
  Posted: Aug 3 2016, 09:53 AM


moon★bunny
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QUOTE (Perry @ 5 hours, 30 minutes ago)
Just be glad he's not breaking your broken sweaty back!!  w00t2.gif

🎔 I wish I knew how to quit you!! wub.gif

YOUTUBE ( http://youtube.com/watch?v=KVK6yLqY54w )

QUOTE (Falbere @ 4 hours, 40 minutes ago)
huh
that reminded me

i have this crazy friend who absolutely loves 1st gen mr2s... do u happen to use alternate aliases?

Kiro's got NOS on his AW11 right now, it's the only way to really feel the tail-happy intensity of the MR-2 ~ otherwise they just understeer into CRX's and EK9's at every corner. crying2.gif

Kiro's a reporter for the New York Times by day, and Peter Parker by night. awesome.gif ~ This person you speak of is probably him Berry-senpai ~
THE_HONDA_CG2
Posted: Aug 3 2016, 01:48 PM


Patient Zero
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Baby steps no matter how long they take, are still progress in the right direction. I for one am glad to see people coming back to the forums at least.
The Sixth Element
Posted: Aug 3 2016, 03:46 PM


matter intangible
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Nice Undertale reference ..... even though it kinda sounds edgy. biggrin.gif
Meteor
Posted: Aug 4 2016, 08:00 AM


Were you expecting something else?
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W e l c o m e _ b a c k
A g a i n

Take things slow now smile.gif. You don't have to be in a rush to "prove yourself" or whatever, and trying too hard to "fit in" will show in a bad way, so I wouldn't recommend that either. Just try to be less on-edge on IDW (or at least seem less on-edge, if you can't actually be it yet). Or if that doesn't work for you, treat this return as something akin to driving on snow - you'll be fine as long as you search out your limits, keep your steering smooth and relaxed, and keep that right foot from being too heavy.
And next time you feel like needing time away, just take a breather and come back afterwards. Making a farewell thread every time is really just being self-defeating - start considering every such thread as setting yourself several steps back.
Why make a show of throwing the game when you can just come back to it when you want? The timer's set to infinite and you don't have that many fouls.

Oh, and the people you feel you need to apologize to probably aren't too concerned with apologies - you never did anything nearly that bad to them. They mostly just want you to be a more chill guy who isn't that worried about looking cool and can better judge the situations he's in, and they've simply gotten tired of trying to explain that. That might be a slightly oversimplified description, but a more exact description might need far more lines to describe than anyone would feel like reading, so I'm giving you this short but ultimately accurate one instead. If you really must feel a need to apologize to them, you can work on that first.

Also, you never stopped being welcome on IDW - that's reserved for people far worse than you, like Reyherks.
So again, welcome back. Try to start taking things easier. You certainly want to change yourself, but like doing work on a car, sometimes you don't want to rush things; you get awful welds and other not-so-nice things in the car's case.

And I'll get to leaving reviews for your new fic eventually. I'm just always busier than I like these days because university is nofun. I'd like you to keep chapter 2 ready though (and subsequent chapters too, if possible).
Master0fMadness
  Posted: Aug 4 2016, 03:07 PM


Midnight Lover
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QUOTE
> No drunk AW11 dorifuto in the maple leaf filled streets of New England...

>Implying New Jersey is part of New England

Nigga, please.

QUOTE
Just be glad he's not breaking your broken sweaty back!


Oh, you know I know how to. :3

QUOTE
Baby steps no matter how long they take, are still progress in the right direction.


That's the basic idea. I owe you an apology as well. Sorry for being a clingy retard a few years ago.

QUOTE
Nice Undertale reference ..... even though it kinda sounds edgy.


* Where are the knives.

How's that for edgy? Get it? Knives! derp.gif

QUOTE
W e l c o m e b a c k
A g a i n

< s n i p >


Part of voluntarily jettisoning my old account was erasure of something that never really existed.

No more farewell threads. If I don't come back, I don't come back. Hey, want to hear a joke? When I tried logging back in, I started by entering http://www.initialdworld.net/forums . It didn't work. awesome.gif

I'm working on the third part, believe you me I am. Part of being chill mandates being yourself, which is kind of a new experience to me. I mean sure there's still Master the Customer Service Pro and lost Master, but hey, I am what I am, you can like it or love it. I'm sure it feels good to spend 50 grand and think nothing of it. Whoops, was channeling a little Curtis Jackson there. But yeah, you get the idea. I'm just gonna do me... whatever 'me' is.

Thank you. <3 Honestly? I miss Jaliy. I wish he'd come back, just so I can call him out on his bullshit and laugh at him. He was one of the original Internet Tough Guys.

Hey, don't sweat it. I've been struggling with my creative spirit, but it's slowly kicking back to life, little by little.

This post has been edited by Master0fMadness on Aug 4 2016, 03:16 PM
THE_HONDA_CG2
Posted: Aug 4 2016, 03:16 PM


Patient Zero
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Trust me. You are not nearly as clingy as some of my students. You are totally fine. Don't dwell on it. I know I don't.
Master0fMadness
  Posted: Aug 4 2016, 03:19 PM


Midnight Lover
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Truth be told, I for a very long time thought you were uncomfortable around me. I just didn't have the humility to admit it.

Well, that was then. This is now. It's nice to hear from a familiar voice, even if that voice is entirely headcanon?

Self-perceived?

eek, I don't know how to describe it. I give people I never heard speak voices to listen to in my head as I read their text.


edit: Also, just because a low bar is easy to clear, doesn't mean it isn't a low bar.

This post has been edited by Master0fMadness on Aug 4 2016, 03:20 PM
xiao
  Posted: Aug 4 2016, 03:26 PM


moon★bunny
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QUOTE (Master0fMadness @ 16 minutes, 15 seconds ago)
Oh, you know I know how to. :3

    user posted imageuser posted imageuser posted image

I totally know what you mean~ Texas & Jersey are the exact same... except one has cows. XD

Welcome back brotha! \(^ヮ^)/~
Master0fMadness
  Posted: Aug 4 2016, 03:30 PM


Midnight Lover
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QUOTE (xiao @ 3 minutes, 43 seconds ago)
I totally know what you mean~ Texas & Jersey are the exact same... except one has cows. XD

And that "one" would be New Jersey.


Check your privilege, you southwestern hoe. Only queers and steers come from Texas, private Cowboy. And you don't look much like a steer to me so that kinda narrows it down. ( ͡ ͜ʖ ͡)
xiao
  Posted: Aug 4 2016, 03:49 PM


moon★bunny
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QUOTE (Master0fMadness @ 18 minutes, 49 seconds ago)
And that "one" would be New Jersey.


Check your privilege, you southwestern hoe. Only queers and steers come from Texas, private Cowboy. And you don't look much like a steer to me so that kinda narrows it down. ( ͡ ͜ʖ ͡)

goddammit is that a Full Metal Jacket reference... I swear I'm totally out of the loop, I need to watch more Jesus-titty Mary-tans laugh.gif

*glomps Master of Dori* ~ awesome.gif
Master0fMadness
  Posted: Aug 4 2016, 03:57 PM


Midnight Lover
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QUOTE (xiao @ 8 minutes, 0 seconds ago)
*glomps Master of Dori* ~ awesome.gif

* Master accepts the glomp and embraces Xiao warmly, smiling softy as he gazes into Xiao's fresh-as-fuck eyes.

Thank you for welcoming me back.

I won't disappoint.

Not again.

user posted image
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This post has been edited by Master0fMadness on Aug 4 2016, 03:59 PM
The Sixth Element
Posted: Aug 4 2016, 05:13 PM


matter intangible
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QUOTE (Master0fMadness @ 2 hours, 6 minutes ago)
* Where are the knives.

How's that for edgy? Get it? Knives! derp.gif

Now that's reaching Tumblr levels of "getting into character" laugh2.gif

I've tried getting away from that community, but I don't condemn the people in it.

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