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Views: 2,137 · Replies: 5
Funny shitznitz, just bored outta my mind.| |[ .tainted. ]| |  Posted: Jan 22 2003, 11:28 PM |
IDforum OG member  Group: Advanced Members Posts: 2,156 Member No.: 141 Joined: Dec 11th 2002 Location: Ontario, Canada | World's Funniest Chain Letter Hello, my name is Michael Evans. I am suffering from rare and deadly >diseases, poor scores on final exams, fear of being kidnapped and executed >by anal electrocution, and guilt for not forwarding out 50 billion F**king >chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send >them on, then that poor 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a breast on >herforehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her >redneck parents sell her off to the travelling freak show. Do you >honestlybelieve that Bill Gates is going to give you and everyone you send >"his" email to $1000? How stupid are you? Ooooh, looky here! If I scroll >down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every Playboy model in >the magazine! What a bunch of bullshit. So basically, this message is a big >F**k >YOU to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to send >me stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the evil chain letter leprechauns will >come into my apartment and sodomize me in my sleep for not continuing the >chain which was started by Jesus in 5 A.D. and was brought to this country >by midget pilgrims on the Mayflower and if it makes it to the year 2000, >it'll be in the Guinness Book of World Records for longest continuous streak >of blatant stupidity. F**k them. > >If you're going to forward something, at least send me something mildly >amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends, and >this poor, wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive a nickel >from some omniscient being" forwards about 90 times. I don't F**king care. >Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing >to by sending out forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity. > >THE FOUR BASIC TYPES OF CHAIN LETTERS: >Chain Letter Type 1: >> (scroll down) >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> Make a wish!!! >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> No, really, go on and make one!!! >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> Oh please, they'll never go out with you!!! >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> Wish something else!!! >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> Not that, you pervert!! >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> Is your finger getting tired yet? >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> STOP!!!! >> >> >> >> >> Wasn't that fun?  >> >> Hope you made a great wish >> >> Now, to make you feel guilty, here's what I'll do. First of all, >> if you don't send this to 5096 people in the next 5 seconds, you >> will be raped by a mad goat and thrown off a high building into a pile of >> manure. It's true! Because, THIS letter isn't like all of those fake >> ones, THIS one is TRUE!! >> >> Really!!! Here's how it goes: >> >> *Send this to 1 person: One person will be pissed off at you for >> sending them a stupid chain letter. >> >> *Send this to 2-5 people: 2-5 people will be pissed off at you >> for sending them a stupid chain letter. >> >> *Send this to 5-10 people: 5-10 people will be pissed off at you >> for sending them a stupid chain letter, and may form a plot on your life. >> >> *Send this to 10-20 people: 10-20 people will be pissed off at >> you for sending them a stupid chain letter and will napalm your house. >> >> Thanks!!!! Good Luck!!! >> >> ------------------------------------------------------- > >Chain Letter Type 2 >> >> Hello, and thank you for reading this letter. You see, there is >> a starving little boy in Baklaliviatatlaglooshen who has no arms, no >> legs, no parents, and no goats. This little boy's life could be saved, >> because for every time you pass this on, a dollar will be donated to the >> Little Starving Legless Armless Goatless Boy from >> Baklaliviatatlaglooshen Fund. Oh, and remember, we have absolutely no >> way of counting the emails sent and this is all a complete load of >> bullshit. So go on, reach out. Send this to 5 people in the next 47 >> seconds. Oh, and a reminder - if you accidentally send this to 4 or 6 >> people, you will die instantly. >> >> Thanks again!! >> >> ------------------------------------------------------- > >Chain Letter Type 3 >> >> Hi there!! This chain letter has been in existence since 1897. >> This is absolutely incredible because there was no email then and >> probably not as many sad pricks with nothing better to do. So this is >> how it works: Pass this on to 15,067 people in the next 7 minutes or >> something horrible will happen to you like: >> >> *Bizarre Horror Story #1 >> >> Miranda Pinsley was walking home from school on Saturday. She >> had recently received this letter and ignored it. She then tripped in a >> crack in the sidewalk, fell into the sewer, was gushed down a drainpipe >> in a flood of poopie, and went flying out over a waterfall. Not only did >> she smell nasty, she died. This Could Happen To You!!! >> >> *Bizarre Horror Story #2 >> >> Dexter Bip, a 13 year old boy, got a chain letter in his mail >> and ignored it. Later that day, he was hit by a car and so was his >> boyfriend (hey, some people swing that way). They both died and went to >> hell and were cursed to eat adorable kittens every day for eternity. >> This Could Happen To You Too!!! >> >> Remember, you could end up just like Pinsley and Bip. Just send >> this letter to all of your loser friends, and everything will be okay. >> ------------------------------------------------------- > >Chain Letter Type 4: >> >> As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote. Send it to every >> one of your friends. >> >> Friends >> >> A friend is someone who is always at your side, >> A friend is someone who likes you even though you stink of shit, >> and your breath smells like you've been eating catfood, >> A friend is someone who likes you even though you're as ugly as >> a hat full of assholes, >> A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself, >> A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry >> about your sad, sad life, >> A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really >> think you should be raped by mad goats, then thrown to vicious dogs, >> A friend is someone who scrubs your toilet, vacuums and then >> gets the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English... -no, sorry >> that's the cleaning lady, A friend is not someone who sends you chain >> letters because he wants his wish of being rich to come true. >> >> Now pass this on! If you don't, you'll never have sex ever again. >> ----------------------------------------------------------- > >The point being? > >If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shagless or >luckless for the rest of your life, delete it. If it's funny, send it on. > >Don't piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana >with no teeth, who's been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years, whose only >saviour is the 5 cents per letter he'll receive if you forward this mail, >otherwise you'll end up like Miranda. Right? > >Now forward this to everyone you know otherwise you'll find your balls >missing tomorrow morning. |
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| Jayson | Posted: Jan 22 2003, 11:44 PM |
IDW Posts A Freaking LOT Member Group: Advanced Members Posts: 10,554 Member No.: 32 Joined: Sep 26th 2002 Location: Orlando, FL | I agree with this letter, a lot of them are BS, but some are funny none the less  |
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| karasac | Posted: Jan 22 2003, 11:55 PM |
Rotary Disciple Group: Advanced Members Posts: 2,209 Member No.: 11 Joined: Aug 28th 2002 Location: Chino Hills, California | LOL  oh no the chain letter leprechauns r coming after me! |
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| Perry | Posted: Jan 23 2003, 12:04 AM |
Like an eagle!  Group: SITE OWNER Posts: 8,014 Member No.: 1 Joined: Sep 15th 2002 Location: San Leandro, California | LOL !!!! Chain letters within chain letter...  |
Proud Contributor of the Music Section Revival Project |
| Jayson | Posted: Jan 23 2003, 08:56 AM |
IDW Posts A Freaking LOT Member Group: Advanced Members Posts: 10,554 Member No.: 32 Joined: Sep 26th 2002 Location: Orlando, FL | The leprechauns are every where, so you better watch out! |
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| |[ .tainted. ]| | Posted: Jan 23 2003, 09:46 AM |
IDforum OG member Group: Advanced Members Posts: 2,156 Member No.: 141 Joined: Dec 11th 2002 Location: Ontario, Canada | Some Johnny jokes. Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question. "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left ?" "None.", replied Johnny. "'cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher."But I like the way you are thinking." Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking hercone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her cone, which one is married ? Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?" "No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger. But I like the way you are thinking. -------------------------------------------- One day in class the teacher brought a bag full of fruit. "Now class, I'm going to reach into the bag and describe a piece of fruit, and you tell what fruit I'm talking about." "Okay, first: it's round, plumb and red." Of course, Johnny raised his hand high, but the teacher, wiselyignored him and picked Deborah, who promptly answered "An apple." "No Deborah, it's a beet, but I like your thinking. Now for the second. It's soft, fuzzy, and colored red and brownish. Well, Johnny is hopping up and down in his seat trying to get the teacher to call on him. But she skips him again and calls on Billy. "Is it a peach?" "No, Billy, I'm afraid it's a potato. But I like your thinking. Here's another: it's long, yellow, and fairly hard." By now Johnny is about to explode as he waves his handfrantically. The teacher skips him again and calls on Sally. "A banana," she says. "No," the teacher replies, "it's a squash, but I like your thinking." Johnny is kind of irritated now, so he speaks up loudly. "Hey, I've got one for you teacher; let me put my hand in my pocket. Okay, I'vegot> >it: it's round, hard, and it got a head on it." "Johnny!" she cries. "That's disgusting!" "Nope," answers Johnny, "it's a quarter, but I like your thinking! |
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