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After reading some fanfics, I felt like trying it out.

Chapter 1: Prolouge

As I stared at the night sky waiting for the legendary Gunma team to come, my teammates started talking about them. They said impossible things like how they would adapt so quickly on a new course and that they beat Godhand and Godfeet. No way could outsiders do that, just no way. Then I heard a shout and looked up to see lights coming. It was them.
______

"Hey Rysouke wake up!" shouted Fumihiro.

"We have arrived at Hakone, time to get up."

Suddenly Ryosuke eyes opened and he stepped out of the van. He yawned and went on to Takumi and Keisuke. As Fumihiro started to talk about how Project D ran to the other team Rysouke asked both if they studied the video carefully and gave them a word of advice as usual. Both nodded in unison and went to do some practice runs on Mount Hakone.
______

"Wow they're really polite," said a teammate of mine.

They were really polite, but maybe I shouldn't let my guard down just yet. I know, I should run a practice run with that 86 and see what he's made of. I ran to the GDB and road out into the night to see his technique.He didn't seem all that impressive at all. He did the run nicely, but no way was he going to beat me and my 350hp GDB. Maybe all those stories were a hoax or something. I don't need special practice at all, this will be a cinch.
______

(The day of the race)

"Alright are you ready?" asked Keisuke to Takumi.

As usual Takumi was in his daze that he seemed so far away from here.

"Hey Takumi are you listening!"

Takumi just left without answering and went to his AE86. Then Rysouke came up and said some words and the cars were off. During the practice run Rysouke told to hold off a little bit, but during the race he should go serious. He trusted his word and now was going at an even better pace then last weeks runs.
______


"What the hell, he seems so fast now; if I don't keep up the pace he might just blow me away."

As hard as he tried the AE86 was gone in a couple of corners and the GDB driver was left speechless on the mountain. Then a car passed him in a blur. All he saw was the color blue.
______

"Well we win the downhill," said Takumi. Then suddenly he saw a new car was coming in fast. He didn"t know what car it was, but it was an old car colored blue. Suddenly Takumi was sweating like hell drifting left and right. Tires screeching loudly and the backfire going on the muffler, this race was intense. Then the last corner came in sight and Takumi feint drifted through it. Then the mystery driver made a move on the 86. It got in closer and almost bumped the 86, but he made it and now both were heading straight to the finish line. Then suddenly both cars jumped high in the air and landed at a stale-mate. Both cars stopped and the new driver stepped out. He started to talk.
______

"Hey names Akio Asakura, what's yours?"

This post has been edited by dark_hero_zero on Mar 19 2007, 12:20 AM

Nice. But I'm not sure Akio would have been able to corner so well, or maybe the Devil Z reduced it's horsepower on its own. . .

This post has been edited by Meteor on Nov 19 2006, 06:15 AM

Uhhh...who's Akio?

This seems to be a crossover between 2 Anime's or Manga's and I'm not familiar with any except Initial D

Akio's a character from the manga Wangan Midnight.

whose i!?

i like it:D

Maybe I should retitle this. Is there a way to retitle a topic?

Chapter 2: Wangan Line.

"Names Takumi Fujiwara." replied Takumi.

"What kind of car is that?"

Takumi was still surprised on how he was chased down and almost passed. It brought back a feeling he had when he raced his dad in Akina which was the feeling of fear and confusion.

"My car, it’s a 240z or you can call it the Devil Z." Akio replied.

Both were in the parking area by that time resting on their cars.

"You’re pretty impressive with that 86. I’ve never seen anyone use that car and drive like that. Hey are you one of the ace drivers of Project D the famous Gunma team?” Takumi replied with a nod and their discussion continued. Soon it was very late and Akio had to go. Before he went he warned Takumi about another driver that drove a Porsche 911.

As he went in and drove off Takumi's mind began to ponder about the Devil Z and the potential the driver had. Then his mind switched to what he said about the Porsche. Another driver is out there and he drives a Porsche. Takumi wondered who he was. For the rest of the night he just sat and thought about it.
_______

(The next day)

Keisuke was on the wangan line going through just thinking about the guy who talked to Takumi. Keisuke won his uphill race easy, but he didn’t care. Another rival just stepped in and he was as good as Takumi. That made his mind troubled. Suddenly a voice from the left was heard.

"Hey nice FD you have their."

Keisuke looked up to see two guys in a Nissan 350z with paintjob of a dragon and a huge body kit.

"Hey you look like a worthy opponent, wanna race?" asked one of the two guys.

"Nah wouldn’t want to waste my gas on couple of guys who has all style and no substance." replied Keisuke.

"What! You don't know who you messing with," Then suddenly they moved in front of him and braked.

Keisuke quickly braked and moved out of the way. Those two guys quickly speeded away and left Keisuke. He was pissed.

"You want race, you found one!" Keisuke accelerated out into the Wangan line.

This post has been edited by dark_hero_zero on Nov 20 2006, 04:25 PM

u caught my disease, bad proof reading!

quote: "You want a race, you found won<<<one.

this is kinda like the unbeaten path.

proof read and post, the two p's

(THIS POST WAS REMOVED BY REQUEST)

heh JT your right I should proofread more. Thanks for showing me the mistake.

This post has been edited by dark_hero_zero on Nov 19 2006, 11:40 PM

Also.

Fujiwara, not Fugiwara.

As for the ricers, I think this is going to happen.

Passenger in 350z: Hit the naws!
Driver in 350z: *Hits the button*
350z: *Goes faster* *Loses control near corner* KABOOM!

@Midnight Dorifuta: I think he meant that this story is similar to your one in the sense that it's combining Wangan Midnight and Initial D

This post has been edited by Meteor on Nov 19 2006, 11:44 PM

Thanks for the help in proofreading. Hope this one has no mistakes.

Chapter 3: Goodbye FD.

“No technique at all,” said Keisuke watching the 350z drift horribly.

“Maybe it’s time I passed him,” So the FD accelerated and passed the 350z……
…BAM! They were ramming the FD to the wall.

“No way is he going to beat me!” shouted the driver of the 350z.

“Dammit! Now he’s resorting to,” Then suddenly a truck was in front of the FD’s path and no time was left to move. CRASH! The FD broke its front and Keisuke received major damage from the crash. The police arrived a few minutes later and brought medical help to Keisuke. The 350z ran from the scene, the cops never found out who the driver was.
_________

“What was that!” shouted Rysouke.

“I’ll be there right away!”

Rysouke heard the news about Keisuke crashing and didn’t know to either be mad or sad. He went to the hospital fast and found the room where Keisuke was. Keisuke was unconscious and had bandages over his head. Rysouke started to cry a little, but quickly sucked it up. He got out of the room and saw Takumi coming up.

“So how is he?” asked Takumi.

Rysouke paused for a moment then said he’s in a bad state. Then the rest of the Project D came and wanted to see how Keisuke was. A loud cry was heard in the bunch. It was Kenta and he was sobbing like crazy.

“Keisuke-san!”

All the rest of the Project D tried to comfort him. A few hours later the doctor said the results. Keisuke was probably going to be in bed for three weeks, he received nothing to major. Rysouke rushed out of the hospital pissed and sad at the same time. Then he heard some footsteps coming into the hospital. It was Kyoko Iwase going inside the hospital.
________

“What room is he in!?” shouted Kyoko.

“Please miss calm down. He’s in room 86.” replied a nurse.

Kyoko quickly went to the room and found Keisuke. She was outraged by Keisuke's crash and wanted to get revenge for it. That night she cried her heart out.
________

Rysouke was driving to his hotel on the Wangan line when suddenly the 350z appeared.

“Your Rysouke Takahashi aren’t you. Your brother was pretty good. Good at getting himself in a crash.”

Rysouke’s eyes tore up and looked at them with hate in his eyes. Then the 350z speeded up and the FC chased after it.

This post has been edited by dark_hero_zero on Nov 20 2006, 07:02 PM

The good stuff in this chapter:
.Some drama
.Gives the story a sense of mystery
.A crash!

The bads:
.The reader doesn't feel much
.It's Ryousuke Takahashi, not Rysouke Takahashi

Keisuke taking the place of Kyoichi in the movie huh... NICE STUFF!!!

niiiice, i like parts of it, um, well yeah thats what i meant Midnight the mix between wangan and ID,

fujiwara
ryosuke
keisuke

there u go:D

i like the idea how u mixed two stories and it still makes sense, i like the idea how u kept to the fact that theres dirty racers out there who ram people, but one thing.
Ryosuke wouldnt look at som1 with hate, he'd jsut think

"What a retard!" in his mind
and his face will show, do u think u can beat me with a wtf expression

i want more now!!!

I think Ryousuke would look at the guy with hate. Think about it. His brother is in a hospital because of some dirty racer. Now this very same person comes up to Ryousuke and insults his brother in front of him.

P.S: You should get rid of part where Keisuke turns on his car's CD Player because the people in Initial D never listen to music while driving. It'd probably interfere with their concentration.

This post has been edited by Meteor on Nov 20 2006, 02:29 AM

Well, from the looks of it, you could do a deeper description on the chapters, so the readers could actually feel the race taking place. Also, try to get a minimum of 1300 words per chapter. That's what I did when I debuted in fictionpress.com unless they were short, one-shot stories. (I admit when I debuted in fanfiction.net, chapters were a measly 500 words).

You could do some detailed descriptions on the car's unique features (Every car has a unique feature. You just need to take a closer look of them. Eg. The unique shape of the S30Z that was reminiscent of the Jaguar E-Type and so on.)

Also, you can do some descriptions on how the characters face changes from calm to frustrated, to even furious. However, since the races are the story's main feature, try to do a description from the character's eyes, but in third-person. That should make the readers feel the situation.

Other than that, it was rather good, but it did not have that punch to capture my attention. Try something new with your writing style.



Sincerely,

Outlaw-2

Member of The Phoenix Souls

Thanks for the comments, but like JT I don’t know much of mechanics.

Chapter 4: An old Friend and Foe

Ryosuke was still pissed at the driver, but he got back his cool. He studied the 350z with eyes like an eagle would his prey. The 350z was colored silver and had a paintjob of dragons, by hearing the car’s VQ35DE engine it was tuned to 340hp. They were on the C1 Inbound night time racing when Ryosuke heard a powerful noise in the background. The sound was the sound of a misfire and he already knew who it was. Kyouichi Sudo and his Evo3

“What? Another driver came in the race!” said the passenger of the 350z

“It’s an black Evo 3 with a Emperor sticker and equipped with misfire!”

Kyouichi was just strolling along to see how Keisuke was doing when he saw Ryosuke’s FC passed with great speed. He decided to see what was going on and chased them. Soon they were in a super-battle chasing the 350z.

“Drive faster, DRIVE FASTER!!” shouted the passenger

“Would you shut up!” then the 350z scraped the wall and soon it was spinning out. The driver and the passenger were screaming their lungs out while both the FC and Evo 3 evaded it and left. Then both drivers parked near a parking lot and Ryosuke stepped out first.

“Kyouichi Sudo what brings you here?”

“Came to see how the younger Takahashi was doing. With him hospitalized you have to postpone Project D.”

Then Ryosuke stared up at the midnight sky thinking of what to do. Project D was delayed and Keisuke was in the hospital. Trouble was already on him, but he had this feeling the worst was yet to come.
________

(Back at the hospital)

Only Kenta and Kyoko were left in the hospital. Takumi left to deliver his dad’s tofu and the rest had to get some sleep. Both eyes red and dried up from tears. Then Kenta looked at her and started to talk.

“You’re that girl from Saitama aren’t you?”

“Yes names Kyoko Iwase and you are?”

“Names Kenta Nakamura, Project D's mountain video recorder and van driver.”

“Oh yeah I remember you, you and two other guys were staring at me in Akagi. Tell me how close you were to Keisuke.”

“I was his apprentice before, but now I’m his assistant in Project D.”

Then another voice was heard from the hallway. Both looked up and there stood a girl that was wearing blue jeans, a white t-shirt and a black jacket.

“Kyoko Iwase is that you?”

Kyoko look more closely and then noticed who it was. She was friends with her in Junior high, but she left Saitama at the last day of school. Both promised to reunite someday.

“Reina Akikawa!”

Kenta was staring at the girl. He knew her from a modeling magazine he saw on a stand a few years back. His face was still in shock, but eventually got out of it by the time they were hugging each other and telling each other how they were doing.

“You know a famous model!” called out Kenta.

“Yes we were friend’s back junior high.” replied Reina

“So tell me Kyoko, do you have a boyfriend?”

Then Kyoko looked at room 86. Her face saddened and a frown appeared in place of her smile.

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“No it’s okay. He wasn’t really my boyfriend.”

She looked down thinking about Keisuke, his blonde yellow hair and his sparkling eyes. In her thoughts she asked to the world why Keisuke, why.
________

(Back at Akina)

Iketani was doing some time attacks on the downhill to improve his skills. He just bought a new set of rims and some high octane gas from the gas station. He soon heard an engine noise and he looked back. It was a blue Sil-eighty with the same body of Mako’s car and it was coming closer at great speeds. Iketani’s face turned white and remembered Mako Sato the girl he loved, but he screwed up and lost her. Iketani screamed and the race was on.

This post has been edited by dark_hero_zero on Nov 21 2006, 11:06 AM

lol great, just a point to the mods, this is getting out of hand lately, people have bin posting rapidly so dat that 1 persons post floods to the top, and all the the fanfics go down the drain, not many people have read the fanfics due to this, im not going to point out names, but other fanfic writers should understand what im trying to say.

yay were both the not so good at technical stuff!

hmm, is Keisuke dead, god no!

Getting interesting, and the drama touches the reader a bit more. BTW, it's Reina Akikawa, not Reina Akikwawa.

This time I should introduce something different to the story. Thanks for those who followed it. Now the true story begins.

Chapter 5: The Real Ghost of Akina.

Iketani drifted left and right frightened of the Sil-eighty behind him. He tried his best to lose her, but he wasn’t Takumi. No matter what she was still behind him. In his mind a question formed. Why did Mako come? Then in the beginning of the five consecutive hairpins something bizarre happened. Her car BURSTED INTO FLAMES!

“The Sil-eighty is on fire?!?!” Iketani screamed. By then he drifted out of the first hairpin.

“This can’t be happening, it’s just a dream right.” He passed the second hairpin.

All of a sudden the whole Mount Akina was engulfed in flames. Iketani screamed again drifting the third hairpin. The Sil-eighty was still behind him and the driver wasn’t Mako. A ghostly image was in the driver’s seat and its eyes were glowing bright red. Iketani drifted through the fourth hairpin when suddenly he saw the ghost do the famous gutter technique that Takumi had been famous for during his debut. The cars got even closer and they were bumper to bumper. They both drifted the final hairpin, but the Sil-eighty bumped Iketani and he was spinning out. He tried hard to take control of his car, but the G-force was too strong. His S-13 bumped both sides of the guardrails. He was going in reverse and the inflamed Sil-eighty was about to bump him when everything vanished. The mountain wasn’t inflamed and the car was gone. His car stopped and he stepped out.

“What was that!?” and he sat their thinking about the ghost inflamed. After that he drove slowly home and called the repair shop. That night he couldn’t sleep.
______

(Back at the hospital)

“So Kyoko what happened to him?”

“He got into an accident when two guys bumped him to a truck.”

Then a voice was heard in the hallway.

“Hey visiting times over now, you should all go home.” said a nurse.

The three got up when suddenly they heard a noise coming from Keisuke’s room. Kyoko rushed in to see what was happening. Keisuke was gone and the window was left open. Then Kyoko heard her FD car noise outside and looked out to see it driving away. In the driver seat was Keisuke.

“How did he start my car without the keys?”

All three rushed out the hospital to see the FD drive off into the night.

“We have to get him. Kyoko hop into my 32. Kenta follow us with your car.” Reina ordered.

They did what she said and were off to chase Keisuke. Reina quickly recognized where he was headed. It was Mount Hakone. In minutes they were on the mountain going uphill.

“Hold on Kyoko, it may get a little rough.” Reina shifted to third, then fourth, and finally fifth.

The 32 chased FD on the uphill drifting through corner after corner. Kenta couldn’t keep up because his S-14 was tuned for the downhill. Reina was having trouble keeping up with Keisuke. He controlled the FD perfectly and drifted so the tires wouldn’t be completely worn out.

“Wow he’s fast. Kyoko how did you tune your car?”

“Well I only put a single turbo in her and it’s tuned for 350hp.”

Reina was sweating and her face grew a focused expression. Her car had 400hp and she was having trouble on the uphill. In her mind she wondered if she could catch up at all. Both cars drifted on to the night, the screech of the tires getting louder. Kenta stayed behind, waiting for their return. He cursed loudly up into the air.

“Dammit! I have to wait for them. Wonder why Keisuke is doing this?”

Then a roar of thunder was heard over the clouds. No stars were in the sky that night. Something was going on and the aura in the air was strange.

Interesting.

You are not one to talk. Your fanfic updates more rapidly than any other, so once more I'm going to tell you the same thing.

If your fanfic is popular, it will stay afloat on its own. You cannot say whether or not other fanfics get read, because you are merely one person. You are not everyone. I'm sure that if asked (DO NOT, and I repeat DO NOT actually make this poll!), just about anyone here would say that it hasn't been a problem like you seem to think it is.

So calm the hell down and concentrate more on proof-reading your fanfic so you can put out high-quality chapters.

dark_hero, keep it up. The more fanfiction appears on the scene, the less people get all anxious over new manga or Anime. The way I see it, fanfiction is a perfect reliever for all the pent-up stress at not having new official material. Good work!

(THIS POST WAS REMOVED BY REQUEST)

IM GOING TO START THE POLLLLLL!!!!!!!! nah i dont want to get banned!
Nice chapters, the first few chapters always flood out nuts!:P

Hey JT! You mind if I use your material?

Chapter 6: First Kiss of Death.

Brakes burning red, the screech of loud tires, and thunder in the background was the feeling of the battle. Reina was still behind the FD not being to shorten the gap at all. She drifted left and right with all her skills and techniques she learned, but nothing seem to do the trick. Then during the middle of the chase, the FD turned around facing the other way. Then the FD stopped and Reina stopped her car in the middle of the street. Keisuke stepped out of the car and feinted on to the floor. Kyoko rushed quickly to grab him and put him on her shoulder.

“Darling!” Kyoko shouted. She carried him into the passenger seat of her FD and set him down.

“Hey Reina we should probably be heading down now. I’ll take Keisuke with me in my FD.” Rain started to pour down and both girls quickly rushed into their cars. Reina turned around and went down. Kyoko put on the windshield wipers on and went down as well.

“What is going on? Why would Keisuke steal my car? How did he start it up in the first place?” She checked to see any hotwiring, but there was nothing.

“This night has been really crazy.” Then she glanced at Keisuke. He was still in an unconscious state and looked very relaxed. Then she turned to see a corner coming up. Suddenly she heard breathing from her left. Keisuke was very close to her with his eyes wide open. Kyoko backed away, but Keisuke got even closer. She was blushing hot red and was confused to either let him get closer or push him back. Before she could make up her mind Keisuke gave her a kiss. Her FD slid a little off course and Reina looked back in confusion. Kyoko finally out of shock and took the wheel back to control. She glanced at Keisuke in confusion of what just happened. He was back in his unconscious state. For the rest of the night she was thinking about the kiss.
_________
(Next day, at the gas station)

“Where’s Iketani-sempai, he’s never late for work?” Itsuki was sweeping the gas station waiting for his friend to come; he was bored out of his mind waiting. Takumi was gone and both Kenji-sempai and Iketani-sempai never showed up. He was alone and sad not having friends around to talk with. Then a Z32 showed up. The car was tuned and Itsuki could tell by the muffler sound.

“Hey, fill it up with high octane.” It was a girl’s voice and Itsuki quickly glanced at the customer. She had brownish, red hair and her eyes were hazel. Itsuki was astonished at her perfect body and spaced out a bit.

“Hey, were you listening? Fill it up with high octane.”

“Oh sorry, I’ll get right to it.” Itsuki reacted quickly and filled her car up with high octane.

“Also I got another question. Tell me who’s the fastest on Akina?”

“You mean you want to race the legendary 86 of Akina?” Itsuki asked.

“Maybe, I just want to see how good he is that’s all. I heard he was part of a team called Project D.”

Then she drove off onto the distance heading off to Akina. Itsuki was standing around wondering who she was when Kenji showed up.

“Hey Itsuki, What are you looking at?”

“Some girl came by in a Nissan 300ZX and asked about Takumi. She was beautiful, wonder if she’s a model?” Then a lightning bolt stuck Itsuki. She was Makoto Morishita, a famous model. What would she be doing here in Gunma? Did she want to race Takumi? Itsuki was full of wonder and happiness. He met a famous model, COOOO.

“Hey Itsuki, where’s Iketani?”

“I don’t know. He never showed up for work.” In the background Yuichi was eavesdropping on their conversation. Where is Iketani?
________
(In the Fujiwara tofu shop)

“What do you mean you have to borrow the 86?” Takumi surprised at what Bunta was asking.

“Just let me borrow the car so I can go to the store to buy a couple smokes.”

“Why not use your Impreza instead.”

“The GC8V is acting strange so I need to borrow your car. Don’t worry I won’t damage it.”

“Alright, but you have to pay for the gas you use up.”

“Fine, now let me have the keys.” Bunta grabbed the keys and started the 86 right up. He drove out and Takumi was in confusion.

“Hey!!!! The store is that way!!!!!”

This post has been edited by dark_hero_zero on Nov 24 2006, 08:19 PM