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> [FANFIC] Push to the line, start of a Fic based in the initial D continuity
Ukos78
  Posted: Mar 16 2008, 05:03 PM


Shmuck
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Hi this is my first attempt at writing a fanfic and i would appreciate any feedback i could get

Part one

First encounters

The foothill’s echoed to the sound of a mechanical snarl as the S14 drifted through the corner.

“This is great; I’ve missed this so much”

Behind the wheel Kenta blipped the throttle as he downshifted for the next turn it had been well worth all the time and effort to repair his car, as much he enjoyed cheering on Keisuke and project D, he had to admit to himself that he had missed racing his own car.

Coming off the throttle to slow for the next corner an odd whine pierced the night air; Kenta hurriedly checked his gauges to make sure nothing was awry with his newly repaired S14. The next corner raced towards him seeing nothing wrong with his car Kenta tapped the brakes to lead himself through the curve. As the S14 cleared the apex, a brief flash of light illuminated the cabin, straightening the car; a stolen glance at the mirror brought the sight of a pair of headlights rounding the corner behind him and again the night air pierced once more by a mechanical whine.

Behind the wheel of my car, I felt the super charge build up to pressure, pushing me forward with brutal urgency, the rear of the Nissan growing larger in my sight as I left the corner and charged down the straight. A brief spurt of flame erupted from the Nissan’s exhaust as my opponent down shifted and then stepped on the throttle to try to pull away.

A wry smile spread itself across my lips

“It looks like they want to play “

With that, I pushed down on the accelerator to give chase to my newfound opponent. The corners and straights flashed by as I watched their technique and line

“Well he carries more speed into the corners then I do”

I mused to myself

“But it looks like he loses time recovering in the exit of his turn”

I noted as my opponent drifted into the next corner, slipping wide of the apex in a cloud of tire smoke leaving an acrid scent of burnt rubber hanging in the crisp air. Watching the Nissan recover, I decided the next corner would be where I made my attempt to pass.

A bead of sweat worked its way down Kenta’s brow stinging his eyes as he wrestled his S14 back on to the straight, the strange car behind was inexorably gaining on him. Every corner it would drop back at the entry slowing to grip the curve as he drifted around it, but every time they exited a corner, it would be there surging forward shrieking like a banshee.

The engine screamed in a higher pitch as Kenta downshifted ready to tackle the oncoming corner, hauling the wheel over he jabbed at the brake pedal initiating his drift, counter steering to maintain his angle. Kenta struggled to keep his S14 from sliding away from the apex; his worn and overheated tyres struggled for grip scrabbling over the asphalt the S14 slowly started to drift away from the apex.

Seeing the gap yawing ahead of me, as the S14 lost grip I opened the throttle, grinning as I exploited the opening my opponent had gifted me. The nose of my car thrust itself into the space between the barrier and the Nissan. As I overtook, I glanced over at my opponent noticing a team sticker on his wing

“Red Suns I wonder who they are?”

Finding the base of the mountain road almost upon me, I slowed my car to a more normal pace, the urgent whine of the supercharger becoming a subdued hum behind my head.

Seeing the entrance to a rest stop approaching, I let the speed bleed away and coasted through the entrance. The tires crunched over the gravel as I slowed to a halt. Switching off the ignition, I sat for a moment listening to the pinking sounds as the engine cooled under the louvers in the cold night air. A few moments later I was perched on the wing of my MR2 the can of coffee in my hand letting off steaming wisps’ of vapour as I waited for it to cool. Lights played across the rest stop as the sound of an engine broke my reverie.
Meteor
Posted: Mar 18 2008, 09:33 AM


Were you expecting something else?
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It has potential. But it's got some dents and scratches on it.

Mostly grammatical problems (missing comas, mistakes in sentence structures, etc.)

By the way. .
QUOTE
The engine screamed in a higher pitch as Kenta downshifted ready to tackle the oncoming corner, hauling the wheel over he jabbed at the brake pedal initiating his drift, counter steering to maintain his angle. Kenta struggled to keep his S14 from sliding away from the apex; his worn and overheated tyres struggled for grip scrabbling over the asphalt the S14 slowly started to drift away from the apex.

Braking while steering simply causes understeer, unless all the braking power goes to the rear (and Kenta's S14 isn't like that).