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^ That's so cute! But how is that a joke?

A dyslexic person walks into a bra.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Cash.
Cash who?

SPOILER

No thanks, I'd like some peanuts please!

This post has been edited by THE_HONDA_CG2 on Nov 17 2011, 04:27 PM

How is that NOT a joke?

I'd say its more of a really cute story. It made me laugh, but its more of the kind of laugh that you'd give to something cute.

Yo mamma jokes are so old, but some of them are really good.

Yo mamma's so old, when I told her to act her age she died.

Yo mamma's so fat, she went on the Subway diet and is now working her way to a healthy weight.

The guy's a convict. How is that a cute story??? O_O

It made me laugh for his successful trolling.

Well he was trolling the FBI, but what he did for his dad was really cute. Or at least I thought it was.

He made up a story about burying bodies in the yard so the FBI would come dig up the yard, which the old guy said he was getting too old to do by himself.

The joke isn't funny when you have to explain it, but I thought it was hilarious when I read it.

This post has been edited by Aerowitz on Nov 18 2011, 03:28 AM

I know it's a joke but, I consider it a really cute joke. If anyone knows what I'm talking about anyvmore.

This is stickied for a reason, so forgive me for bringing it back. This is one I learned when I was around 7 or 8 yo.

NSFW:

Three guys are exploring through a cave when they stumble upon an old lamp. Being as most of us are, one of them rubbed it just for fun. Out comes a genie, who tells them, "You have awaken me from my slumber, for that, I shall grant you each two wishes."

First guy goes up,"I wish for a wooden dick."
"Your wish is my command, you now have a wooden dick."

Second guy goes, "I wish I had a metal cock."
"Your wish is my command, you now have a metal cock."

Last guy says, "I wish I had the longest dick in the world!"
"Your wish is my command, you now have the longest dick in the world."

Expecting them to use their last wish soon, he says, "Your wishes are now granted, simply rub my lamp when you are ready to wish again." And *poof*, he was gone.

The three men where at the beach when they rubbed the lamp again.

"You have awakened me once more, are you ready for your final wish?"

First guy goes, "Yeah, I wish for my normal dick. My girlfriend keeps complaining about splinters."
"Your wish is my command, you now have your normal dick."

Second guy goes next, "I wish for my normal cock too, my girlfriend is complaining about the cold."
"Your wish is my command, you now have your normal cock."

Then the genie says, "How about you, would you like your penis returned to normal?"

The last guy says, "Nah, see that girl over there? *WHIPCRACK* Got 'er."

Alright, science jokes!

Geology rocks!

If it smells, its chemistry. If its alive, then its biology. If it doesn't work, then its physics.

Ok, fine. Let's take all these bad jokes and BARIUM.

AND! now I'm done.

This one got me

All the good chemistry jokes argon, sadly.

Bullshit, there's alkynes of them still ripe for the picking.

Anymore chemistry jokes? A neon?

Oh man, that took me a few days to figure out. A neon.

The name is Bond. Ionic Bond. Taken, not shared.

Ok we have to stop with the chemistry puns, I don't zinc they're a good idea.

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I prefer squid puns anyway. I ink chemistry puns are squidding stupid. My puns are far more exsquidsite, and always krill the audience.

This post has been edited by kyonpalm on May 6 2012, 08:04 AM

Here's something to think about.

I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After two visits and exhaustive
Lab tests, he said I was doing 'fairly well' for my age. (I will soon turn
Sixty -Three).

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't resist asking him, 'Do you
think I'll live to be 80?'

He asked, 'Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or hard liquor?'

'Oh no,' I replied. 'I'm not doing drugs, either!'

Then he asked, 'Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?'

'I said, 'Not much... my former doctor said that all red meat is very
unhealthy!'

'Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, sailing,
hiking, or bicycling?'

'No, I don't,' I said.

He asked, 'Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?'

'No,' I said...

He looked at me and said,..
'Then, why do you even give a shit?'

Here's an old one, but it's mostly for married guys :

Time to pizza this thread up

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There's these guys: priest, a rapist, and a child molester - and that's just the first guy.

So this priest and a rabbi are sitting on a bench in the park, eating lunch. The priest sees this little boy playing in the playground in front of them. The priest turns to the rabbi and says "Hey, see that kid over there? Why don't we fuck him?" The rabbi says "...Out of what?"

I hope these are no reposts... (and not too old)

Yo' mama is so ugly, when she enters a bank the CCTV cameras will be turned off.

Yo' mama is so ugly, her husband takes her to his workplace to prevent getting a goodbye kiss from her.

Yo' mama is so fat, she needs a boomerang to dress herself with a belt.

Yo' mama is so fat, she uses a mattress as tampon.

Yo' mama is so fat, even Bill Gates can't pay her liposuction.

Yo' mama is so ugly, she gets contraceptives for free.

Yo' mama is so ugly, when she looked out of a window she got arrested.

Yo' mama is so fat, she wears a video recorder as wristwatch.

Yo' mama is so fat, she wears car tires as bracelets.

Yo' mama is so fat, when she wants to water-ski, she needs to use two flattops.

My apologies if this is too gross/morbid, but here goes:

What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

SPOILER

Well, he flushed of course. He's a cannibal, not a slob.