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> [FANFIC] The Takahashi Brothers, A fanfic with my OC
TaleOfVale
Posted: Dec 23 2012, 05:19 PM


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wOw... Story of an FC, who wouldn't like it?! Hahaha thanks Rensuke! ^^
THE_HONDA_CG2
Posted: Dec 23 2012, 05:39 PM


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QUOTE (HyperSonic @ Yesterday, 7:10 AM)
And about you not knowing a lot about technical stuffs, ME and Airpistol (haven't seen him for a while around here) doesn't know anything too. If you want help there are a bunch of guys (and a lady) who would be willing to lend a hand. Just suggesting, I'm not forcing you to try and push on the race scenes, it's just an opinion, but don't get the wrong idea that fanfics without rece scenes are not welcome here in IDW.

Wahaha! You remembered me! That really means a lot, thank you! And yes, Takahashi Rensuke, if you ever have any questions or a chapter that you want proof read, please don't hesitate to contact me. I'll always try my best to help out a writer in need! smile.gif
HyperSonic
Posted: Dec 24 2012, 04:00 AM


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Of course I won't forget CG2, she promised to put me in on her fanfic which is full of awesome awesomeness...
Takahashi Rensuke
  Posted: Jan 10 2013, 06:07 AM


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*Sorry guys! I'm so busy with my college assignment/homework/project I can't focus on writing my fanfic, but now at least I can post up Chapter 2. Enjoy!*

CHAPTER 2: CATCHING UP

"You're kidding, right? I'm not quite convinced. Prove it to me." The skeptical Keisuke said.
"Your father is a doctor named Takahashi Ishikawa. He is 38 this year. Your mother is Keiko Sakura, she's a 34-year-old housewife. They have been married for 15 years." Rensuke said with so much confidence like he knew them for a very long time.

"So, your mother...... Is she treating my father well?"
"They are happy with each other, let's just leave it at that."
"Why didn't our father tell me and my brother about this?"
"That, I have no idea. You'll have to ask him yourself."

"Why did you show up now? Why didn't you tell us earlier?" Keisuke had so many questions he knew he had to ask them.
"I wasn't keen to meet you at first. When father told me about you and Ryosuke, you guys were battling the 246ers. Before showing up, I wanted to see whether you guys could beat the Kanagawa area. After all, all sorts of professional racers gathered there. I wanted to see how good Kanto's Rotary Brothers were."

"Hmmm, I never thought we had a half-brother."
"Two actually. Sorry, I should've told you I have another little brother. His name is Takahashi Zansuke."
"Two?! Just how many secrets are the old man hiding from us?!" Keisuke was so mad with his father for not telling Ryosuke and him about all of these.

"It's getting late. I better be going now. Let's catch up some other time. Know any nearby restaurants where we can do so?" said Rensuke after looking at his phone.
"How about Jonny's? It's not far from here." answered Keisuke.
"Great. Then it's settled. Meet me there at noon this Saturday, how's that? I might bring my brother along."
"Sounds good to me. I'll tell Aniki the details."
"Alright, be seeing you, Kanto's Fastest Fireball."

On the day of the meeting, a white FC, a yellow FD, a blue FC and a black FD, all heavily modified, parked next to each other at the Jonny's. Many people thought there was some kind of racer gathering.

"Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Takahashi Ryosuke." said the oldest Takahashi among them.
"And I am Takahashi Zansuke. Nice to meet you." An average 18-year-old kid said.
"Oh my, you're young. You sure remind me of Shinji and Takumi." said Keisuke.
"We were trained very young. We also formed our own team, *C.o.R.E* and conquered the Chubu region, just like you guys conquered Kanto." The redhead Rensuke said.
"*C.o.R.E*?" Ryosuke asked.
"*Cars of Rotary Engine*" The Chubu's Takahashi Brothers said together.
"You guys lived in Chubu? Where exactly?" Ryosuke asked again.
"Nozawaonsen, Nagano." said Rensuke.
"Homecourse?" Keisuke couldn't contain himself.
"Mt. Mizuo." answered Rensuke to his half-brother's question.
"Hey Aniki. Why don't we take a spin down their homecourse?" Keisuke asked excitedly.
"I don't see why not? You don't mind right, Rensuke?"
"Not even a little bit. I'm so honored. The famous Takahashi Brothers want to take a look at our homecourse!" The blue FC driver smiled.

Zansuke just stared at them the whole time without saying anything. He was just the kind of guy who didn't talk much.

*Sadly, there aren't any races in this chapter, but fear not! There will be one in chapter 3 wink2.gif *
*Again, feedbacks and comments are very much welcomed!*

PS: This is getting cheesier and cheesier the more I read this >.<

This post has been edited by Takahashi Rensuke on Jan 19 2013, 06:04 PM
shadow55419
Posted: Jan 10 2013, 07:44 PM


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spotted some errors in spelling, but beyond that you've got me interested to see where this goes.
HyperSonic
Posted: Jan 10 2013, 08:16 PM


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So there are four Takashi Brothers of the Rotary Engine eh, I would be looking forward to a uphill battle between the FD's and a downhill race between the FC's you can mix it up too if you want.
Takahashi Rensuke
  Posted: Jan 11 2013, 06:21 AM


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QUOTE (shadow55419 @ Today, 11:44 AM)
spotted some errors in spelling, but beyond that you've got me interested to see where this goes.

Can you specify where exactly?

@HyperSonic: I wasn't planning too, but you did give me a great idea!
Nicholas86
Posted: Jan 13 2013, 04:59 AM


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QUOTE
You guys lived in Chubu?

Chubu? You mean Chibu?

QUOTE
Knew any nearby restaurants that we can do so?

Should be "Know" here.

Actually I think the part where Keisuke and Rensuke explained to their respective brothers should be written with more detail.I think that'll make the plot look much better. Feels weird without it.
Takahashi Rensuke
  Posted: Jan 13 2013, 07:16 AM


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QUOTE (Nicholas86 @ 2 hours, 17 minutes ago)
Chubu? You mean Chibu?


Should be "Know" here.

Actually I think the part where Keisuke and Rensuke explained to their respective brothers should be written with more detail.I think that'll make the plot look much better. Feels weird without it.

No, it's Chubu. Ryosuke and Keisuke lived in Gunma of Kanto prefecture while Rensuke and Zansuke lived in Nagano of Chubu prefecture. Prefectures of Japan

The problem is I ran out of ideas facepalm.gif and I don't want people to stop reading my fanfic, ya know?
theAbsolutelyRedLink
Posted: Jan 13 2013, 09:32 AM


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Never read a FanFic before. Thought the concept of them were..I dunno. Weird. But I found that I enjoyed this one ha
Pretty interesting considering all of us can vividly see this in our heads.
Good work.
s12drifter
Posted: Jan 13 2013, 09:41 AM


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i dont like fanpic's anymore i use to but this one in chapter one actually made my hair stand. i actually like this one.
theAbsolutelyRedLink
Posted: Jan 13 2013, 10:20 AM


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QUOTE
fanpic's


*FanFics? hah
Takahashi Rensuke
  Posted: Jan 13 2013, 09:33 PM


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QUOTE (theAbsolutelyRedLink @ Today, 1:32 AM)
Never read a FanFic before. Thought the concept of them were..I dunno. Weird. But I found that I enjoyed this one ha
Pretty interesting considering all of us can vividly see this in our heads.
Good work.

QUOTE (s12drifter @ Today, 1:41 AM)
i dont like fanpic's anymore i use to but this one in chapter one actually made my hair stand. i actually like this one. 

You seriously can't tell how happy I am when I read you guys' post. Thanks a lot!

This post has been edited by Takahashi Rensuke on Jan 13 2013, 09:34 PM
Meteor
Posted: Jan 14 2013, 01:07 PM


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QUOTE
Sorry guys! I'm so busy with my college assignment/homework/project I can't focus on writing my fanfic, but now at least I can post up Chapter 2.

I know what that's like. I'd like to start work on Chapter 2 of my fic as well, but I'm going to be busy for academic reasons myself.

And so Team C.o.R.E's here now. I c wut u did thar once more. I'm wondering if Zansuke's an actual Japanese name though.

Took a while to post here didn't I? Sorry about that. I'm bad at managing my time sometimes. Anyway, this story's still not bad and I'm interested in seeing where it's gonna go, so like the others here I'm going to request for additional chapters.


As for corrections:
QUOTE
"Why didn't our father told me and my brother about this?"

"tell"
QUOTE
"Why did you show up now? Why didn't you tell us earlier?" Keisuke has so many questions he knew he had to ask about them.

"had" would fit better there. And "about" is unnecessary here since he only wants to ask his questions; and not ask about his questions too.
QUOTE
"I wasn't keen to meet you at first. When father told me about you and Ryosuke, you guys were battling the 246ers. Before showing up, I want to see whether you guys can beat Kanagawa area. After all, all sorts of professional racers gathered there. I want to see how good are the Kanto's Rotary Brothers."

"wanted", "could" and "wanted to see how good Kanto's Rotary Brothers were", since he's talking about the past. Also, a "the" before "Kanagawa area" is advisable.
QUOTE
"Two?! Just how much secrets the old man is hiding from us?!" Keisuke was so mad with his father that he didn't tell Ryosuke and him about all of these.

1."many" and "are the old man"
2.The other bolded part implies that Keisuke's the one not saying anything.
Suggested fix: Change "that he didn't tell" to "for not telling"
QUOTE
"It's getting late. I better be going now. Let's catch up some other time. Knew any nearby restaurants that we can do so?" said Rensuke after looking at his phone.

As Nicholas86 said: change that to "Know". Also, "that we can do so" might be better as "where we can do so".
QUOTE
On the day of the meeting, a white FC, a yellow FD, a blue FC and a black FD, all heavily modified, parked next to each other at the Jonny's. Many people thought there's some kind of racer gathering.

"there's" looks like "there is". "there was" would be better here.
QUOTE
"Oh my, you're young. You sure reminded me of Shinji and Takumi." said Keisuke.
"We were trained very young. We also formed our own team, *C.o.R.E* and conquered Chubu region of Japan, just like you guys conquered Kanto." The redhead Rensuke said.

1."remind" would sound more natural here.
2.Add a "the" before "Chubu region". Also, the "of Japan" part seems unnecessary here, but you can keep that if you want.
QUOTE
"Homecourse?" Keisuke can't contained himself.
"XXXXX." answered Rensuke to his half-brother's question.
"Hey Aniki. Why don't we take a spin down their homecourse?" Keisuke asked excitingly.

1."couldn't contain"
2."excitedly". "excitingly" implies Keisuke's making other people excited.
QUOTE
Zansuke's staring at them the whole time without saying anything. He's just the kind of guy who doesn't talk much.

The chapter was mostly written in past-tense, so this part should be rewritten to match.
"Zansuke just stared at them the whole time without saying anything. He was just the kind of guy who didn't talk much."


And yeah, it's gotten cheesier, but only slightly so far. This story has potential and you seem like you have a decent idea of where it might go, so again; I'm interested in seeing where you take this. Keep it up smile.gif
theAbsolutelyRedLink
Posted: Jan 14 2013, 03:19 PM


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QUOTE
You seriously can't tell how happy I am when I read you guys' post. Thanks a lot!


I can ha
A guy who doesn't even like anime or initial D enjoyed my work once. That may be an equivalent feeling ha

But that's another story. I'll keep reading your stuff my man. Grammatical errors and all.
Takahashi Rensuke
  Posted: Jan 15 2013, 04:22 AM


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QUOTE (Meteor @ Today, 5:07 AM)
I know what that's like. I'd like to start work on Chapter 2 of my fic as well, but I'm going to be busy for academic reasons myself.

And so Team C.o.R.E's here now. I c wut u did thar once more. I'm wondering if Zansuke's an actual Japanese name though.

Took a while to post here didn't I? Sorry about that. I'm bad at managing my time sometimes. Anyway, this story's still not bad and I'm interested in seeing where it's gonna go, so like the others here I'm going to request for additional chapters.

And yeah, it's gotten cheesier, but only slightly so far. This story has potential and you seem like you have a decent idea of where it might go, so again; I'm interested in seeing where you take this. Keep it up smile.gif

Thanks for the proofread and I corrected them. Oh my, there sure are a lot of errors hehehehe rolleyes.gif

My little brother came up with the name Zansuke. I have absolutely no idea is it even a legit japanese name derp.gif

高橋占介

I might as well post my japanese name too cool.gif 高橋蓮介

This post has been edited by Takahashi Rensuke on Jan 19 2013, 06:09 PM
Takahashi Rensuke
  Posted: Jan 19 2013, 08:34 PM


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*Yes! I roughly got the idea of Chapter 3 before Chapter 2 and that's why I finished it so quickly.*

CHAPTER 3: RYOSUKE'S COMEBACK

The 4 rotary cars sprinted through the highway heading to Nozawaonsen, Nagano. By the time they reached Mt. Mizuo it was already 8 at night.
"Finally, I seriously can't wait." thought Keisuke with excitement.
"Hmmm? There're a couple of guys up there." Rensuke thought.
As they approached the peak, they saw two men standing side by side, talking and laughing with each other.

"Sorry, but who are you guys?" Rensuke questioned the two men.
"Oh, don't mind us. Hehehehehe......" said one of the man who wears a black Nike cap and Nike sneakers. The other guy was looking at the car beside him. It was a red Ferrari 458 Italia.
"Hmmph, don't think you can defeat me in a race with one of those." thought Rensuke who despised Ferraris and their drivers.
"Alright, feel free to use our homecourse. You have my permission." said Rensuke to the Takahashis with a smile. Zansuke nodded afterwards.
"Ha, as if we ever needed that." said Keisuke. "Let's go, Aniki."
The Takahashi Brothers stepped into their respective rotaries and took off.
"One of the things I like about this course is we can see them very clearly from here, wherever they are." Rensuke explained to his brother.
"It's just the difficulty of this mountain attracted me though." replied Zansuke.

"Hehehe, I think we should go too, or we won't be able to catch them."
"Relax, with this car, no one can beat us."
They went into the red Ferrari right after they finished talking.
"Hmm?" thought Rensuke.
"I think they want to raise a challenge to our brothers." Zansuke speculated.
"Hmmph, no matter how hard they try, they can never beat Gunma's Takahashi Brothers. Furthermore, this is a touge. They just dug their own grave." said Rensuke.

"This is one unique course." Ryosuke thought.
"Interesting... this course is very similar to Sadamine. The road isn't really flat, so throttle control is crucial." thought Keisuke.
Suddenly, a flash of headlights appeared in their rear view mirror.
"Is that Rensuke? No... the car is slightly reddish in color. The Ferrari we saw earlier, perhaps?" Keisuke thought.
The Italia driver flashed his headlights a few times.
"Maybe I'll let Aniki do the battling. He hasn't raced for a while now." Keisuke slowed down and let the 458 pass him.
"He slowed down." said the guy wearing glasses.
"Hahahahaha! He is probably scared of us." said the Nike man.
"So Keisuke wanted me to battle them? Fine then, it's been a long time since I last raced." the white FC3S driver thought.

*Flashback*
"Man, highway battles are too easy! I want a real challenge!" said the Nike guy.
"You know, how about we have some fun at the touge near our usual meeting place?" his best friend said.
"That touge? I heard there's a local team there that conquered the Chubu region. If we defeat them, we will be famous! Girls will also swarm around us!" the Nike guy laughed sinisterly.
"If I'm not wrong, the team was *C.o.R.E.*"
"What a lame name! I'll save them some face by defeating them!"
*End of flashback*

"Come on, *C.o.R.E.*! Is that all you got? You can do better than that!"
"Another weak racer behind the wheel. Well, at least he's better than the Porsche driver. The road now is too narrow for you to pass me. I'll see how much pressure you'll put on your wheels."
"Damn, is he mocking me? He runs so slow! Whenever I wanted to pass him, the road narrowed down. This is frustrating!" complained the 458 driver.

*Meanwhile on the peak*
"Sooner or later, the Ferrari's gonna get into an accident." the redhead said.
"How can you tell?" asked Zansuke.
"He was so eager to pass brother. Whenever the road widened, he accelerated. But when the road narrowed again, he braked. Hard."
"Another newbie, eh?"
"Duh!"

"I appreciated your offer Keisuke, but they really are nothing." Ryosuke said in his mind.
"I sensed that Aniki was complaining. I'm not surprised though. Even I'm disappointed." thought the blonde.
"I feel there's no need to prolong this race anymore. Guess I'll do an all-out sprint."
Ryosuke finally sped up and made his move.
"He finally made a move. Let's go!" said the Ferrari's navigator.
"About time!" the driver exclaimed.

The Ferrari followed the FC closely, but when a corner appeared he stepped on the brakes as hard as he could.
"Damn! This is boring! Why do touges have so many corners?"
After he cleared the corner, he no longer saw the FC's taillights.
"Darn it! I refuse to believe my Ferrari can't catch up to his crappy car!"
Just as he accelerated, another corner came up. He didn't brake, in fact he just let off the gas.
"F*** the brakes!"
As a result, the Italia drifted off the line they wanted because of the gripless tires. And so they crashed into the wall.
"Aarrgghh!!!" the both of them screamed.

"I guess I'll go back." Ryosuke thought.
On his way back, he saw the Ferrari in bad condition and Keisuke's FD. Ryosuke got out of his FC and hurried towards them.
"Are you guys alright? Injured?" asked Ryosuke.
The two man shook their heads and looked down on the ground, ashamed of what they did.
"Your car is wrecked. I can help you repair it." Ryosuke asked them.
"It's ok, you don't have to. It's my fault and I'll fix this. Incidentally, are you the leader of *C.o.R.E.*?" the 458 driver brought up a question to Ryosuke.
"No, I'm not. Do you remember the man we talked to earlier? He is."
"I see.........."
"Please, at least let me call a tow truck for you."
"Thank you..."

*Meanwhile on the peak*
"Do you find this scene strangely familiar?" Zansuke asked his brother.
"As a matter of fact, I do remember. The crash was similar to Shoji Shingo's from the NightKids."
"Oh, right."

"We should get back to the top, Keisuke."
"Sure thing, Aniki."
The Takahashi Brothers went into their cars and drove to the peak.

"Rensuke, I think we should go back to Gunma now." Keisuke said.
"Ok, sure thing."
"Wait!"
The three looked at Zansuke.
"Ryosuke, if it's alright with you, I would want to battle with you, here."
"And why's that?"
"I want to see how I fare against the leader of Project. D."
"Fine. What's the date and time? It has to be a weekend though."
"Next Saturday, 9pm. Before then, you are welcome to practice on our homecourse to your heart's content."
"Thank you, see you then." Ryosuke said.
"Bye."
The two pairs of Takahashi Brothers bid each other farewell.

*Chapter 4 Zansuke Vs. Ryosuke. Don't missed it~*

This post has been edited by Takahashi Rensuke on Feb 1 2013, 04:48 AM
shadow55419
Posted: Jan 19 2013, 10:01 PM


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i don't particularly car for the wrecking a 458, but thats only cause i like the headlight style tongue.gif

i'm really enjoying this, i hope to see more soon.
HyperSonic
Posted: Jan 20 2013, 01:41 AM


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Stupid knuckle heads, pushing a Ferrari on the touge? Just like what I thought, they crashed themselves to pieces...

And the Takashi races comes, that's what I'm talking about, it just keeps getting better.
Nicholas86
Posted: Jan 20 2013, 03:30 AM


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All the "thoughts" there should be in italic,that will make it easier to differentiate them from the conversations.

QUOTE
But then the road narrowed again and he braked, hard."

I suggest changing it to "But when the road narrowed again,he braked.Hard."

QUOTE
"Hahahahaha! He probably is scared of us." said the Nike man.

He is probably scared of us.

QUOTE
"Maybe I'll let Aniki do the battling. He didn't race for a while now." Keisuke slowed down and let the 458 passed him.

He hasn't raced for a while now*
and let the 458 pass*

QUOTE
"Your car was wrecked. I could help you repair it." Ryosuke asked them.

"Your car is wrecked.I can help you repair it."

I don't know if I missed any,because I tend to overlook things. ermm2.gif

A Ferrari would be monstrous if handled by a great racer instead of hotheads.Rich guy crashed his Ferrari on a mountain pass,consider the price. laugh2.gif

Takahashi race?I speculate some race scenes then shifty2.gif
Takahashi Rensuke
  Posted: Jan 20 2013, 04:52 AM


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QUOTE (Nicholas86 @ 1 hour, 21 minutes ago)
All the "thoughts" there should be in italic,that will make it easier to differentiate them from the conversations.


I suggest changing it to "But when the road narrowed again,he braked.Hard."


He is probably scared of us.


He hasn't raced for a while now*
and let the 458 pass*


"Your car is wrecked.I can help you repair it."

I don't know if I missed any,because I tend to overlook things. ermm2.gif

A Ferrari would be monstrous if handled by a great racer instead of hotheads.Rich guy crashed his Ferrari on a mountain pass,consider the price. laugh2.gif

Takahashi race?I speculate some race scenes then shifty2.gif

Thanks for the mistakes, and thanks for reminding me I should put the thoughts in italic, even though I said to myself in Chapter 1 but I forgot tongue.gif
Meteor
Posted: Jan 30 2013, 06:45 PM


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QUOTE
QUOTE
"Your car was wrecked. I could help you repair it." Ryosuke asked them.

"Your car is wrecked. I can help you repair it."

You're right on the first one, but both "could" and "can" are correct here as far as I know.


Ferrari guy here sure didn't understand the concept of inertia too well. But after that BMW M5 kid from years ago who severely misjudged his braking distance and launched himself off into some trees at over 200 km/h (ouch), I can't say I'm too surprised. Good thing that last straight was so short though, or those guys would probably be dead already.
And Zansuke's already challenging Ryousuke then. Wonder how that's gonna turn out.

There was one thing I found weird though.
QUOTE
*Meanwhile on the peak*
"Do you find this scene strangely familiar?" Zansuke asked his brother.
"As a matter of fact, I do remember. The crash was similar to Shoji Shingo's from the NightKids."
"Oh, right."

The only ones there when Shingo crashed racing Takumi were Iketani, Kenji and (if memory serves) Itsuki. How'd have Rensuke and Zansuke found this scene familiar when they were never there to begin with?

Well, sorry for taking so long to reply on this. Anyway, nice update again and I'm still up for more chapters. Do keep going.

And if you want some proofreading:
SPOILER
HyperSonic
Posted: Jan 30 2013, 06:57 PM


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Only Iketani, Kenji and, Itsuki are there AS FAR AS SHIGENO knows (probably). A universe is big thus you can insert Rensuke in the sidelines scouting secretly behind trees or far enough not to be noticed by Shigeno, but again I didn't see that being wrong, I have overlooked it.
Takahashi Rensuke
  Posted: Feb 1 2013, 04:51 AM


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Edited Chapter 3.

True, only Iketani, Kenji and Itsuki were there, but that doesn't mean they were not nearby to begin with wink2.gif
s12drifter
Posted: Feb 4 2013, 04:33 AM


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Joined: Mar 21st 2007
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i would have imagined the farreri had a unfair advantage simply because of the machine it is lol

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