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chargerSRT8 | Posted: May 2 2007, 06:26 AM |
IDW Jr. Member Group: Members Posts: 67 Member No.: 24,220 Joined: Apr 29th 2007 Location: Bandung, Indonesia | Chapter 1: A New Legend It was a dark night. Parking area, everyone chat, Project D was there, and all of a sudden... ~Vroom~ Keisuke: "What's that?" Ryousuke: "A bunch of circuit drifters." A green S15 and a black/white Dodge Viper SRT10 enters the parking lot, then they came out of the car Takumi: "D1GP!" Ryousuke: "Relax, Takumi, they're completely lame." Y. Kazama (S15): "Yo, Sam, drifters live here too!" Sam Hubinette (SRT10): "Hmm. Touge Drifters." Y. Kazama: "Uhh We're from... Fuji, can we race against you guys?" Takumi: "You're on!" They both started their cars Get Ready! 5! 4! 3! 2! 1! GO! ~Vroom~ Takumi got lead. First corner they drifted and that D1 dude passes Takumi easily! That D1 Dude got lead until last checkpoint, a hairpin comes, they drifted, and Takumi passes that D1 dude! Last Corner!! Screech! It's a tie!! Takumi: "Yo, Keisuke!" Keisuke: "What?" Takumi: (whispers) "Listen, that D1 dude is fast, y'know." Keisuke: (whispers) "Nah, don't worry. They suxx at uphill." ~End of Chapter 1~ Now shall I end this at Chapter 2 or do you like to see more? |
DrIfTeRX305 | Posted: May 3 2007, 06:20 PM |
IDW God Member Group: Members Posts: 161 Member No.: 4,713 Joined: Dec 23rd 2004 Location: Miami, Florida | I don't really like it, it sounds really "Americanized". It's pretty hard to picture Ryosuke saying "Relax, Takumi, they're completely lame." Also needs to be way more detailed. |
kel | Posted: May 3 2007, 09:16 PM |
IDW's commercial transportation specialist Group: Advanced Members Posts: 1,204 Member No.: 2,299 Joined: Jul 19th 2004 Location: Brampton Ontario Canada | This fanfic is made of loss |
Tarento | Posted: May 3 2007, 10:44 PM |
IDW'S Guitar Hero b00bie Group: Advanced Members Posts: 1,324 Member No.: 2,196 Joined: Jul 4th 2004 Location: San Diego, CA!!! | Two thumbs down. Needs more detail. Big guys, small guys, what're they wearing kinf of thing. They should say something during the race (which you pretty much skipped 90%). Ryosuke and Keisuke wouldn't say "lame", or "suxx". Keep trying though. I think you'll get better. |
chargerSRT8 | Posted: May 3 2007, 10:52 PM |
IDW Jr. Member Group: Members Posts: 67 Member No.: 24,220 Joined: Apr 29th 2007 Location: Bandung, Indonesia | So you guys don't like the dialogs? Fine, I'll make it better. I promise I'll don't skip the race over 50%. Besides, I'm just starting out. --EDIT-- Chapter 2: The Mystery GDB! Akagi mountain, 10.30 P.M At the bottom of Mt. Akagi, you can hear two cars revving their engines. 5!4!3!2!1!GO! Keisuke Takahashi and Samuel Hubinette starts the race, approaching the first corner, they drifted and Keisuke takes the lead! Followed by a black/white Viper SRT10, they approaches second corner, oh, FD3S still in the lead! 3rd, 4th, 5th, and in 5th corner SRT10V takes the lead! As they enter the series of hi-speed corners, the third pair of headlights appear! KT: "Huh?" S. Hubinette: "WTF?" *Familiar engine sound* The third car overtakes FD and SRT10V. KT: "Aye! It's GDB!" S. Hubinette: "Oh, man, Kumakubo did it again!" After high speed corners, a hairpin comes, the three drifts, and the GDB bursts a NOS! KT: "NOS?!" Audience: "NOS?!" Meanwhile, Bottom of Mt.Akagi Takumi: "Ryousuke, do you know that car speeding earlier?" Ryousuke: "It's Nobushige Kumakubo, the most hated on the touge." Takumi: "Why?" Ryousuke: "Because..." Last night, Mt.Akagi FC3S and S14 are drifting in the first hairpin DH, then a third pair of headlight comes, then that car bursts NOS and overtakes FC and S14 in the 4th corner DH. (DH=Downhill) The GDB were hiding in the parking lot. As soon as "GO!" heared, GDB quickly gets out of the parking, and spring into action. --FD3S vs. SRT10V will be continued on next chapter-- This post has been edited by chargerSRT8 on May 6 2007, 04:25 AM |