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Posted by: Tessou May 12 2016, 11:28 PM

WARNING: This is a thread about sexual relations and information surrounding said topic, so it carries with it the flag of NSFW. This is not a thread for or about pornography. You want a fanfic about Keisuke and Nakazato going twosies in the bushes after a race? Google it. Don't read this thread looking for that kind of material.

Are you still reading this thread? Congratulations! Hopefully this means you're not socially and/or sexually repressed enough to complain that this triggered your sheltered feelings, and are willing to engage in discussion about a "taboo" subject that is as normal as breathing or eating or farting. EDIT: your complaining led to an impulsive move without team discussion. HAPPY?

Hey, I'm no Dr. Laura when it comes to telling people how to have successful relationships through Jesus and anti-feminism, but I know there's an assload of people that haven't tasted the middle of the proverbial tootsie pop. That, or they have but had a difficult or unfortunate time getting to it. I'm talking about SEX, in case you're still lost. Now that you hopefully have a (lady)boner, let's get you loaded up with all of the tips and tricks you need to know to get a 5-star rating with your significant other (or fling, or FWB, or whatever).

Feel free to chime in, IDW. This is a casual thread.

The first round of bulbous tips will be preliminary strikes to keep you at the top of your game, giving you the best chance of having your undercarriage serviced and lubed by another human.

TIP #1: Brush your fucking teeth. Take a bath. Wear deodorant. I cannot stress how much this matters. You, by nature, cannot smell yourself. You are immune to your own smell and taste so you can better perceive others. This means that you do not know how bad your fucking breath and pits smell if you're not taking care of yourself. They will know immediately as soon as your mouth opens near them. Enjoyed that garlic pesto shrimp you had for lunch? They don't. Get in the habit of brushing your teeth after meals or anything particularly pungent like garlic or onions enters your gob. Use mouthwash. 60 seconds of Biotene makes a world of difference. Use a sonic toothbrush if you can afford it, as it is vastly more efficient than a traditional toothbrush. "If your teeth feel gritty, don't put em on a titty." Take a shower at least every other day, and scrub the living shit out of the naughty areas. Your nethers are the hottest part of your body, and a day hidden behind layers of clothing makes it a goddamn swamp that smells just as bad. Guess what? Everybody's shit stinks. Even Perry's, although his smells like garlic butter for some reason. Wipe your ass. Wash it. If your underwear has streaks, you're doing it wrong (unless you gambled on a fart and lost, in which case you need to wash off and get a new pair). Do I need to even mention that you should be wearing clean clothes?

TIP #2: Get tested. Go to a clinic, Planned Parenthood, a physician, anywhere that will perform an STD test on your love tackle. Give your mate the peace of mind that you're not carrying any free gifts that come with the experience of you two swapping fluids. Yes, it's not a fun process, and it's not entirely comfortable, but it will save you plenty of grief down the line, even if you're 100% sure you're not carrying anything. A doctor's note is a stamp of unf-unf-unf-proval to have your shit played with by other people without worry. Get tested regularly, unless you're settled with somebody and you know you're both clean (or unclean and have it under control).

TIP #3: Get some protection. I know, I know, you've got a raging sex drive and you want to dive right in, but take two seconds and think about this realistically. Sex is messy. You've got a lot going on down there. There are a lot of fluids being transferred from the very start. Even "just the tip" can cause problems from UTIs to full-on pregnancy if you're uninformed, uncaring and unprepared. "Oh, but Sexmaster Tessou, there are so many kinds! Which one is right for me?" Young padawan learner, with patience, you can surmount the following basic list and have a better idea of what works for you.

CONDOMS: Media likes to use the image of a guy carring a condom in his wallet. Don't do that. They get mangled that way. Buy one of the little boxes (3-pack) if you choose to use condoms, and bring it with you for your date, or keep them close to wherever you intend to do business. As for brands, Trojan is king, period. They make quality meat sheets that will shield you from STDs and babies. Never buy Durex. Don't trust anything somebody hands you for free (Planned Parenthood ones are, oddly, not good). Cheapies have a high tendency to snap with enough friction. If it's not latex, don't buy it. Learn to put it on properly, practice on a cucumber/banana/actual penis. Read and heed the expiration date. It is not uncommon to have a frustrating time trying to open the wrapper, so practice nipping a corner (not into the package!) with your teeth to get a solid tear point. Many a boner has been lost due to missing "the window" trying to open the goddamn wrapper. Speaking of teeth, if you want to try the "she/he puts it on with their mouth" routine, be sure to note if the condom is lubricated or not. The lube most companies use tends to have an unpleasant taste and a numbing effect if ingested. It won't numb the ol' pud, though, so don't worry. If they manage to succeed in putting it on with their mouth, be sure to give them applause and a $5.
PULLING OUT: I know, they do this in porn a lot, but it carries an insane amount of risk due to many factors like poor timing, bad positioning making it difficult to perform, the woman intentionally fucking you over to extort 18 years of child support from you, etc. Besides, porn actresses are almost always on some form of birth control anyway, so even if they fuck it up, the risk is low. That said, if she's on birth control and you trust that she is, fire away. If you're still anxious to do this even when the risk is high, do it as soon as you get "the signal" that missiles are about to fire. Every second out of the danger zone is precious when you're firing live rounds.
THE PILL: Keep on schedule with the pill, and you're looking at a 0.3% chance of pregnancy. Miss a day or two every month, and that potential jumps to 9%. The pill is cheap and effective, but it requires the discipline to stay on it.
CIC: The injection. CycloProvera, Lunelle, Novafem, among others. This is a per-month injection that has a 0.2% failure rate at worst. Relatively cheap, at roughly $30 per shot. Good if you don't mind needles.
DPMA: Also known as Depot (Depot Medroxyprogesterone Acetate). Just like the CIC, except it's good for three months and costs $50. Again, great solution if you don't mind getting a shot in the arm.
DIAPHRAGM: Ladies need to go to a doctor to have one prescribed, as they are unique to each person. From my experience working with these, they are a pain in the ass to "install" and are not entirely comfortable for the woman in some cases. They can be used across multiple sessions in a 24 hour period before requiring removal and cleaning, so they are convenient.
RINGS: Not talking about cock rings, or what Sonic uses to get extra lives. I'm talking about the vaginal ring. Typically known as Nuvaring due to the brand popularity (to the point that it's akin to Band Aids = adhesive bandages). This is a monthly deal that does all the work for you with minimal discomfort and "install" time. Risk of pregnancy is as low as injections, without the pain of a needle. This is our chosen method and it's worked flawlessly for four years now. They typically cost $90 each, but there are many methods of obtaining them free of charge. If you have insurance, talk to your healthcare provider or Planned Parenthood to get that set up.
ABSTINENCE: Otherwise known as "not having sex". What are you, a nun? Repressed? Why are you reading this thread?!

TIP #4: Are you planning to have some sex in the near future? STOP JACKING OFF. I'd be rich if I made a commission for every time I said this to would-be sufferers of erectile dysfunction. Stop. Jacking. Off. Your shit is going to lose sensitivity if you keep doing that. You will be too used to the pressure and feel of your hand or whatever toys or objects you're using to get off by yourself to be fully invested in what your partner brings to the table. "I can't feel anything" is a red flag that immediately tells me that you've been jacking off. Give it a rest. Even a day off of dating yourself can make a difference. If you're getting regular sex (that is, more than once per week), either stop jacking off or keep it to a minimum. Establish an off-day and use that as a day to pamper yourself... in moderation. I know, it sounds crazy, but you will thank me later. I accept Paypal.

MORE TIPS BUBBLING AT THE HEAD, STAY TUNED. Until then, the floor is yours, IDW. What are your hot tips for playing the game and netting a goal? What's your pregame preparation? How do you heat things up? How do you cool down? What's your headspace like?

Next set of tips will involve... PREGAME! That's the preparation, the foreplay, the fun before the fun. You have to warm up the engine before you hit the gas...
user posted image

Posted by: APX May 13 2016, 07:47 AM

Since we're on the subject of condoms, jack off a hour before the big game (tesso will complain, but he's married) after a successful quick time sequence that leads the date to the bedroom, you'll become porn star status in the endurance section. And unless they prefer 5-10 minutes (10 being the rare occasion) of what you can normally offer, then ignore this extra tip.

And yes, 5 minutes is the so called "baseline" of the typical males sexual endurance before orgasm.

Also, foreplay, more so you're turn to go down on her (thank you Nina Hartley and Ginger Lynn) don't go right in for the kill, actually explore her down there, the female area is extremely sensitive not just at one spot, work the lips (from the girls I spoke to hey call me outer lips and inner lips) work the flesh around it (little love bites, running your fingers around or even on her inner thighs will excite her) and LISTEN to what she tells you, if she says go a little harder, do it, she knows her spots. Also, the clit, give that attention after you've got her going, going in on it right away desensitizes her and the magic vanishes.

Oh, do figure 8s, ABCs on her, work on it to see what if her body reacts differently to it. And her hands, if she's pushing you down on her down there, means to go at it harder, she's pulling or backing away, means to slow yourself, but again, don't be afraid to ask before or during it, better she knows you're into it and want her happy than her knowing you're just doing it to keep her from bugging you about not loving her the same way she loves you.

Posted by: Spaz May 13 2016, 07:51 AM

On the flip side, if you aren't jacking off every day, and you know you're going to get some later, rubbing one out with Jill in the AM can ensure you last longer for your partner. But again, moderation is key.

If you spank your dick every day for months and then throw a condom on it to get the real thing, it's gonna take you a while... And not in a good way. Ask me how I know.

EDIT: LOL, APX beat me to it.

Posted by: APX May 13 2016, 07:58 AM

QUOTE (Spaz @ 7 minutes, 3 seconds ago)

EDIT: LOL, APX beat me to it.

Be careful with your words on here, I am offended!

Posted by: Tessou May 13 2016, 10:28 AM

QUOTE (APX @ 2 hours, 41 minutes ago)

I can't really complain as it's just a tip, not a command. I understand how your suggestion works, but my question regarding it is: are you doing it to completion or not? You can boost your endurance in the short term and keep your bazooka-like money shot power if you stop yourself just short of climax. All of the benefits, none of the drawbacks.

Condoms will always be the cheapest method that isn't abstinence. I will say that none of the brands out there come anywhere close to feeling "like you're wearing nothing at all". Even Trojan Super Thins.

As for polishing the cherry, you can use teeth if you're careful. It works wonders in the right spots.

Posted by: APX May 13 2016, 10:36 AM

That's why I put love bites in that section, but only if she seems cool with it (Again, don't be afraid to ask her/tell her you'll do it and you can stop if she's not comfortable)

And for the choking the chicken part, I'd say to completion, because if it's a first date/second date/whatever date and you already have a feeling you'll be getting some, she won't matter about the amount of white paint, since it'll be in a trash bag by the time it's over.

NOW if it's more of a 'we're both okay going rawdog' then maybe almost to that completion, but I haven't tried that yet.

And ass smacking: You can either ask or just go for a love tap like how girls give that playful punch on your arm if you're bullshitting with them. But if she's full blown into ass smacking, remember to always rub after every smack/how ever many smacks you give her in that time, and always go for the center of the cheek, you don't wanna hit the wrong spot, then it'll really hurt and no more fun.

Posted by: Tessou May 13 2016, 10:40 AM

Eh, some people like to see how much there is in the bag as a showcase of virility. If nobody cares, fire away.

If she won't do raw dog, I tell her "naw, dog".

Posted by: Seri May 13 2016, 01:07 PM

I'll just be over here with Asa Akira...

Posted by: Tessou May 13 2016, 01:15 PM

AP does not stand for "assault penis", xiao!

Posted by: Nerubian May 13 2016, 02:03 PM

QUOTE (Tessou)

Stop. Jacking. Off. Your shit is going to lose sensitivity if you keep doing that.

So that's the reason why fapping after some days of resting feel so amazing.

Posted by: Tessou May 13 2016, 02:06 PM

Yes! Moderation is key to your sexual health. This also applies to sexual intercourse. Too much in a short period of time can cause chafing, urinary tract infections (note: not from fapping), and intense soreness. While the urge to go at it like rabbits is enticing, it is a bad idea.

Note that cases of self-diagnosed erectile dysfunction have been increasing as internet speeds increase over the years... totally no correlation between the two. Nope. None at all.

Posted by: Tessou May 13 2016, 06:55 PM

Speaking of turtle wax: lubrication. Don't use oil based lube (which is typically difficult to find in most adult shops) as it will degrade latex condoms very quickly. They are also a pain to deal with when you're all done. That said, buy water based lubricant and don't go crazy with it. You seriously only need a little bit to grease the pole and/or door. I'm talking about a drop or two on a fingertip. The shit spreads quite well.

Water based lube is great, but water itself is not. As neat as "sex in the shower" sounds, water is a terrible lubricant and will fuck you up quicker than a hiccup. It can grind an otherwise heated session to a painful halt when it creates overwhelming friction everywhere you (and they) don't want it. PORN LIES TO YOU. If they're fucking in the bathtub or shower, the guy is either heavily shellacked with lube or they're faking it.

EDIT: Ceci tells me there's a brand called "Eros" that is a silicone based lube specifically meant for having fun in the bath or shower. You learn something new every day.

Here's a tip that applies to everything: TALK ABOUT IT. You don't know what they like and dislike unless you ask and discuss. Do they like watching porn before or even during? Would they be open to watching together? Are there any positions they have issues with? What about their preferences for the "explosive finish" in terms of where it should happen? Lights on or off? Music? Locale? Any fetishes you should know about? Get it out there in the open to avoid unpleasant surprises later on when you're already in too deep to abort the mission.

Posted by: Nomake Wan May 13 2016, 09:26 PM

Xiao I can never figure out when you're lying or telling the truth, so I just won't ask for fear of knowing the real answers.

Can't comment much on this topic, except to say that the don't-fap-beforehand is absolutely true and that another aspect is to devote yourself to enjoying your time together with whoever for what it is. If you're stressed about some shit you have to do later that day or whatever, you're not gonna be able to have nearly as much fun and might even end up not being able to perform up to spec. Sexy times falls under the category of 'fuck it' moments. It's you, your partner(s), and gettin' jiggy with it. Fuck off everything else until you've had your fill, then you can go back to worrying about your life. True story.

Posted by: APX May 14 2016, 08:46 AM

And I'm onboard with everybody else, not sure if xiaocow is saying a story or a fact lol. ZEE CONFUSING XIAO

Posted by: Tessou May 14 2016, 11:40 AM

Guys, is your "little friend" not performing up to snuff? Getting tired easily? He only stays hugeified for two minutes before devolving into half mast?

Let's find the cause. What are you eating and drinking? What drugs (prescription or otherwise) are you taking? What about exercise? Are you sitting on your ass reading threads all day and listening to non-mainstream music like all the cool kids do? Are you actually going outside and putting some work in to keep your body in decent shape?

If you are putting a lot of sugar into your body, that's a serious problem. You're going to hit your peak and slow down very fast. Soda is a major culprit. If you drink a lot of soda, especially caffeinated ones (which cause all sorts of other problems), try to slow down and limit consumption if you can't stop altogether. There is a difference between natural and added sugar. Fruit sugars, for instance, are not bad for you and you can eat all you want, so buy a bushel of apples and enjoy the natural energy without all of the excess calories.

Try to exercise for at least 30 minutes every day. You don't need to lift 300lbs or run 10 miles. Just get your body used to the stress of exercise and increase your regimen as you can. A fit body has endurance. I personally do an intense amount of biking and weight training for five days, then two days of rest.

How much sleep are you getting? Are you staying up super late? Try to create a consistent schedule for sleep so you're not confusing your body. You can exhaust yourself very easily just by messing around with your sleep schedule.

Posted by: APX May 14 2016, 12:00 PM

I have no problems with staying up for half hour or longer, since i'm a bombing run/runs.

Posted by: Tessou May 14 2016, 12:35 PM

Sure, but what about using it for that long?

Posted by: Cecilia May 14 2016, 10:05 PM

I can't stress the importance of flirting and foreplay enough, especially when it comes to being in a relationship with females . It doesn't always begin and end in the bedroom. There are many actions that fall into this category.

This I tell you from experience. Having been together with Tessou for nearly five years, we're still quite attracted to each other. We are a married couple that frequently engages in the "fundamentals" more times in one week than some American couples do in an ENTIRE YEAR.

Tessou does a wonderful job in making me feel like a woman. Like HIS woman. He opens doors for me, carries heavy loads

, drives me everywhere, makes certain I am always comfortable during inclement weather, and he puts me first.

Too, he flirts with me, gives surreptitious wide-eyed stares at my chest while out shopping and when I notice, we giggle with each other and exchange knowing glances.

In public we hug a lot and kiss each other either on the mouth or cheek or forehead and hold hands or I simply take his arm. (One year, at the state fair, a lady came up to us and said, "Awww, you guys are the cutest couple!")

Andrew protects me from destructive and idiotic people. For example, he knows his family isn't the greatest to be around. He maintains minimal contact with them and doesn't allow them to come around our home.

Anyway...

While we ladies enjoy spontaneous sex sessions, we also want and need to feel emotionally connected. If you give your woman that, she'll be more open to your sexual needs and desires and be eager to please you as well!

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

Posted by: Metamorphic May 15 2016, 04:47 AM

Best tip is to leave your performance anxiety and nervous tendencies at the door before going for gold or the erection you built up goes flaccid.

The erection is a very important part of the baby making (or simulating) equation. So the best tip I will leave is make sure your heart is healthy, it is a directly related relationship health heart = healthy and strong boner.

To increase your heart health here are my tips

- Regular cardio
- Omega 3 oils
- red and other dark berries like blue berries

to promote regular blood flow to the "area"

-flex the pelvic wall muscles regularly the ones you pee with.
- If you are into weights go for kettle bell squats.

For sperm health take some zinc supplements

Keep this up regularly and you'll start having erections of steel

Posted by: Cecilia May 15 2016, 07:27 PM

QUOTE (Metamorphic @ Today, 6:47 AM)

Metamorphic, yes those tips are fantastic and will ensure the cervix feels like it's been punched by diamond-hard penis when it shoots it's love juice at 25 mph! (This can also happen when you agree to abstain from sex to increase desire and sensitivity or merely recover from too much love-making in a short period of time.)

I have found that lower body exercises such as squats and lower core work do really help with strengthening those pelvic floor muscles! Orgasms are much stronger and last longer. It's amazing!

If the ladies wish to develop a more vice-like grip, work those kegels.

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

Posted by: Metamorphic May 16 2016, 03:42 AM

The porn industry doesnt show you that sex is more a mental exercise than physical. When I first began I wasn't very good was too nervous and go flaccid or blow early. If you can overcome your mental blocks and stop thinking how you are holding up then you will be able to last longer than you can imagine. Ok blocks aside and you are functioning normally, you can rely on your arousal levels and signs to extend the pleasure for your partner.

There are a four stages until your reach the point of no return

1. Arousal
2. Increased breathing
3. Increased sensitivity. bloodflow and reddening of the knob and finally tightening of the ball sack
4. Blow your load

Actually if you can pay attention to the signals your body is sending you you can control your breathing by deep exhaling. You can minimise your arousal and let if build up again and continue cycling between phase 2 and 3 before you finally choose to go to Phase 4. However if you think that you can lead all the time then you are wrong hahaha. I find that when I extend my partners feedback will be more vigorous, it is also possible for your partner to outdo you and you go through the arousal stages faster than you can extend.

Posted by: JKaiba May 16 2016, 10:53 AM

QUOTE (xiao @ Yesterday, 5:32 AM)

Sooo ~ we have 3 married guys on the forums:

★ Tessou (Sex God) | expert with the Tess and the Ohhh's!! ~

★ Meta (Fitness God) | expert with his Peter North level Gundam Seed!! ~

★ Perry (Coder God) | expert with his 600 wpm touch-typing fingerz!! ~

★ ????

...I hope you realize there's more married guys then that. At least one more.

Posted by: Cecilia May 18 2016, 05:31 AM

I have some complaints and statements to add.

1. Dr Laura's show is a secular show. She reminds people of this as needed.

2. Sex isn't sinful, for some, in the correct context. (Sex is good and a gift from G-d. That's my belief.)

3. Sex is a fantastic pain reliever.

4. You don't have to be a particular age to discuss this topic with maturity. I've been learning about sex since I was at least five years old. It was discussed openly in my family in the language appropriate for my age.

5. I'm glad this topic was brought up. Some parents don't teach their own children about sex enough, or at all. Some learn what they know from friends, movies, or television. For example, some girls believe they can't get pregnant the first time they have vaginal sex.

Also, there was a study that concluded that the more female partners a straight man has had, the less respect he has for women. Interesting.

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

Posted by: Smiley_DC2 May 19 2016, 09:33 PM

Alls I can add from my personal experience is that the stronger and deeper your relationship is with your partner, the better connection and more enjoyment you're gonna have in the bedroom

Especially communication-wise, tell her what you like and listen to what she says she likes.

Also besides the pocket pool guys can do before hooking up with their bae and lasting longer doing the deed, I find playing sport or some physical activity earlier in the day helps me with lasting longer. Say a gym session, or pick up game of basketball, etc

Posted by: Tessou Jun 10 2016, 06:31 AM

WELCOME BACK.

I'm going to say this right off of the bat: this thread is permanent and won't be moved or closed. Education is an important topic and it can only serve to better the lives of the membership. Is it sometimes demonstrated in a humorous, cheeky, and/or lewd light? Yes. Here's another fact: the human brain remembers things that trigger the "offended" and "embarrassing" areas of the brain far more easily than the general learning areas. That said, this has always been labeled with many big fat red warnings as explicitly not a place for members to talk in graphic detail about pornographic or otherwise "crossing the line" material. This is sex education, plain and simple, even if sex is not a simple subject to discuss. I believe that some members did not recognize this aspect of the thread, instead choosing to hammer the living shit out of my inboxes on the basis that the topic existing in any form, without having even read the contents, is an affront to the continued existence of the forum and damages the minds of the membership. I disagree wholly. Cecilia disagrees quite vocally. A lot of you guys have asked me why I removed it from the forum, convinced me that it was only pandering to the opposition to do so, and drove me to reverse the decision after things cooled off.

So, to those that want to bitch and complain that we're allowing "lewd content" on IDW: I'm sorry you feel that way. Things are not going to reverse course to appease a small group of protesters. The staff are in lockstep as to this being an acceptable topic for discussion. I will no longer be entertaining negative commentary sent to my various inboxes demanding that this shit be removed "or else we're leaving". If you cannot handle discussion about sex, and that is a fulcrum upon which your very membership pivots, your decision is ultimately yours to make. The staff's decision is to let this happen, and that will not be changing. I'm going to get off of the soapbox and resume the discussion now.

Thank you for being patient, guys and gals. Let's talk about sex.

-T

---

Do you watch porn? Read 18+ doujin? Play ecchi games? Do you do this while masturbating?

user posted image

Okay, let's throw a wrench in that equation. Do you perform any or all of the above activities (especially question #4) while in a steady relationship? Do you think it harms or helps your relationship, including extra credit activities in the bedroom? Does your partner approve of it? I wanna know! Cecilia wants to know! Class is in session, folks. Raise your hand and talk about it, and we'll get a group discussion going about this topic.

Posted by: APX Jun 10 2016, 11:05 AM

Well, the question has sorta been answered already before, it helps out in the bedroom in terms of making the sexual/loving encounter longer (Again, sometimes you just want a quicky, by all means go all out) Also may help the partner/you out in knowing how the partner/you enjoys being touched when it close to the 'big finish' or one of the finishes.

Maybe it excites them that you watch them, that they know you enjoy seeing them like that and not just all over them without seeing how they/you are when it comes to that.

And the first 3 questions flow in that as well, they'll enjoy seeing a certain type of video (Maybe they have a 'oh doctor, check me out down here' type of role play) and you both play it out in your own fun way.

SPOILER

Posted by: Tessou Jun 10 2016, 11:17 AM

I asked because there are a lot of people out there that will cold turkey the pornography while in a relationship, because it either bothers them and/or their partner to think about another person (real or fake) during sex, or their partner straight up despises adult material of any sort.

Myself, I don't really watch porn unless it's dropped on me. Like last year for my 29th birthday, somebody sent me a video with a girl that looked ridiculously similar to my wife, and it was good, except for the part where the guy looked nothing like me and ended up pissing the girl off in the end (he didn't finish how she wanted him to, we'll put it that way). Kind of killed the immersion. I'll let Cecilia talk about her personal preferences regarding adult videos, as I find them hilarious in a good way. We do watch adult videos occasionally, but not to stimulate or enhance sex. It's usually out of curiosity. See Spongeknob Squarenuts sometime if you have ten minutes to spare.

Posted by: Metamorphic Jun 10 2016, 09:23 PM

QUOTE (Tessou @ Today, 5:17 AM)

Really depends on the person. My wife accepts me looking at pornos and also mind you whacking off to it. Porn doesnt take away the intimacy in our relationship nor does it enhance it.

However that being said its not for everyone. I also know a friend who was on the larger side in an abusive relationship and her partner will turn to porn instead of being intimate with her. Till today she still has psychological trauma from the ordeal.

Posted by: Cecilia Jun 14 2016, 12:24 AM

In a marriage, it is not always necessary to share EVERYTHING. Privacy is a necessity. If my husband decides he wants to watch some porn to release some stress, that's his business. As long as it doesn't take my place, it's cool. If I wish to do the same, I may.

Also, going to the bathroom and doing private grooming and such are to be done behind closed doors and away from your loving spouse. It kills the magic if you don't. (That's our opinion, anyway.)

That said, I never EVER wear sweats or grubby 'house-clothes'. I always like to look my best in front of my darling. Should he love me no matter what? Hell no. Not if I look like a slob and show him disrespect by not caring enough about him to present myself well and keep in good shape. I want him to be attracted to me as well, of course! If I have nothing appropriate to wear due to clean laundry shortage, I just go without fabric garments. Sexy!

Also, male cum shots in porn are gross. To me. It's not from my own husband, so it's icky. Lol I'm not entirely sure why seeing strangers goo all over someone else makes me avert my eyes. It just does. So I watch lesbis instead. They wear gorgeous lingerie, have lovely hair, perfectly manicured nails and well groomed lady nethers. I imagine they smell sweet and fruity like the gorgeous, scantily clad Vietnamese sluts from the BC Cafe in Westminster. They had the best damn smoothies.
I hate when porn chicas have hideously fake boobs. Like that one chick in Pirates. It bothered me so much since it was grotesquely obvious.
I kept thinking, "Doesn't that hurt? Were they done very recently?" I kept expecting them to squeak like over inflated balloons being rubbed together...but alas. This is real life of fake chi chis.

One more thing, marriage before mortgage. Don't you dare shack up with someone and entangle yourself in a massive financial responsibility without first marital stability. It's very, very ugly. You'll be entirely screwed.

Ok. I've said enough. I should be alseep instead of waxing nearly incoherent. Good night! Glad the thread is back. 💖

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

Posted by: Tessou Jun 15 2016, 09:06 AM

I got a great laugh from the above post, and it's all true. There is very little we consider "private" in our house, so only the most extreme stuff is kept behind closed doors. Unless I'm taking a shit, the door is always open. Enjoy watching me shave in the morning with my package pendulating in the breeze. She certainly does.

Here's my question to IDW for the week, as I work tirelessly on getting Cecilia to sit down for 30 minutes to record a no-holds-barred discussion on sex and porn: what is your favorite position and why? Do you like a certain angle? Does your partner need to do anything, or can they just sit back and relax while you entertain them with your sick moves?

Posted by: xiao Jun 15 2016, 10:25 AM

QUOTE (Tessou @ 1 hour, 2 minutes ago)

Here's my question to IDW for the week, as I work tirelessly on getting Cecilia to sit down for 30 minutes to record a no-holds-barred discussion on sex and porn: what is your favorite position and why? Do you like a certain angle? Does your partner need to do anything, or can they just sit back and relax while you entertain them with your sick moves?

Well I'm neither in a relationship right now nor have I ever had like actual sex but I did once make a girl happy by trying the pottery position with her. I mean I don't know if counts as sex but... I was behind her smooching kisses on her shoulders while my left hand conjoined her left hand, and my right hand was ...you know... with her right hand guiding mine. It kind'a looked like this *cough* without the clay:

SPOILER

That's a pretty good rainy date night movie, just sayin' ~ ninja vanish! ~ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U8WrlTLF_XY&t=15s *poof*

Posted by: Metamorphic Jul 5 2016, 04:21 AM

QUOTE (Tessou @ Jun 16 2016, 03:06 AM)

Sorry guys been very busy favourite position hey. From a physical perspective I love doggy theres just somwthing really raw and primal about it. Connecting with my partner (pardon the pun) theres nothing more sexy than being close and looking each other in the eyes in classic missionary love it when wifey wraps her legs around my waist. For visual cant beat girl on top and she does everything.

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

Posted by: APX Jul 11 2016, 02:40 PM

So IDW'ers:

Have you ever used/thought of using a sex toy?
(Goes for the few women as well)

If so, what would you recommend pr stay away from? Guess this would also go for lubrication and 'protection' as well.

Posted by: Nomake Wan Jul 11 2016, 02:45 PM

Sir Mix-a-Lot covers this topic pretty well in a few short words:

"Silicone parts are made for toys."

Thank you, Sir Mix-a-Lot, for being the guiding light of self-gratification.

Posted by: APX Jul 11 2016, 02:50 PM

YOUTUBE ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qr89yq2wC9o )

Posted by: Tessou Jul 11 2016, 03:14 PM

^ Mix A Lot also flamed out soon after that video, so take his wisdom or lack thereof as you will.

Yes. We have some. Yes, we've used them.

Stay away from anything that plugs into a wall outlet.

Posted by: xiao Jul 11 2016, 05:21 PM

QUOTE (APX)

Have you ever used/thought of using a sex toy?

★ My personal favourites are Alter, Good Smile, and Gift. Though I'd personally recommend starting out with Wave's beach https://plamoya.com/index.php?main_page=advanced_search_result&search_in_description=0&keyword=wave+beach, as they're already aesthetically poised for liquid ornamentation. Just remember to clean them no further than 5 minutes post extradermal trajectory synthesis (http://urbandictionary.com/8063373) and they'll be fine. I started out with Wave's SS ver. Misaka Mikoto and graduated summa cum laude with their edition of swim NatsuRin from Little Busters.

★ As for oils. I've seen my fair share of people sticking pepsi's and cucumbers where they're really not supposed to (not necessarily together); thus I have to attest to Tessou's recommendation that water-soluble lubrication is essential and highly necessary between two individuals. However, if you're just waxing the turtle alone, I personally dislike creams and slippery solutions. Therefor after years of studying the tentacle phenomena in Japanese cinematography. I've concluded that a sweet & sticky gelatinous compound is the best way to indulge your sensual appetite. My personal http://i.imgur.com/VBR24nK.png of choice is always Mrs. Butterworth's, as it's the most viscous flavour with a slightly silky tactile sensation at the aftertaste, however Aunt Jemima will absolutely do in a http://i.imgur.com/keZZVZL.jpg when you're out. It's also a very pleasing foreplay supplement among couples... just don't get too crazy with the biting. Professionally speaking of course:

https://youtube.com/watch?v=Gp2vM0n5IRA

Image size reduced, original size: 5376 x 3024. http://i.imgur.com/ei3IZIr.jpg to view the image in its original dimension.

★ tl;dr maple syrup is great for sex! ~~not that xiao would know... orz~~

Posted by: Tessou Jul 16 2016, 10:07 AM

Is there a setup you need to have to get things going? Does the bed need to be covered in rose petals? Mood music? Porn on the television/computer? Scented candles?

For me, the lights cannot be room lights. Gotta have a lamp or something to dim the overall light level. It's not an image thing, as I am fully aware of what I look like without clothes and don't have a problem with being seen in that state, I just like not having the room light burning my eyes out if I'm lying down. I've had random tv on in the background sometimes, but I find it mostly distracting and turn it off as things heat up. Smooth jazz works, nearly everything else is difficult to work with as I can't keep pace with faster rhythms anymore. Too many falls in my lifetime makes the hips and knees creakier than a dilapidated boat.

Speaking of heating up, temp is important. We have a steel blade fan in the room to keep airflow going, or it becomes a swamp that smells like sex very quickly. Even with the central air at 70F, without airflow, I start sweating hard if I'm on a good rhythm, and that gets distracting very quickly.

===

SEX PROTIP: go blindfolded sometime. Either one or both of you wears a blindfold of some sort (I use a Hello Kitty sleep mask, no shit). It's like being Daredevil. Your other senses are heightened and there's a sense of discovery in every move.

Posted by: Nerubian Jul 16 2016, 10:54 AM

QUOTE (Tessou @ 46 minutes, 26 seconds ago)

Speaking of heating up, temp is important. We have a steel blade fan in the room to keep airflow going, or it becomes a swamp that smells like sex very quickly.

Uh, how does sex smell? And ever tried ambient music? It's also very relaxing.

Posted by: Tessou Jul 16 2016, 12:13 PM

Musky. If you walk into a room with fresh air and then back to the "sex room", you'll know the difference.

Posted by: Cecilia Jul 16 2016, 01:20 PM

QUOTE (Nerubian @ 2 hours, 26 minutes ago)

Uh, how does sex smell? And ever tried ambient music? It's also very relaxing.

It smells like when you put 'Something' inside 'something' else and then take it out and put it back in, again and again and again.

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

Posted by: xiao Jul 16 2016, 04:00 PM

Tripple agree'd I absolutely adore heat & feeling like I'm burning inside a pool of magma BUT 20 bucks says your girl/boyfriend doesn't! There's times when high-temperatures are an absolute turn-on... like at the beach, at a concert, at a spa, a jacuzzi, or inside a really steamy car with bass-bumping knock your sox-off muzak ~ ♪ ♫

Lights are an equal phenomena ~ it all depends on the time & place you're having fun with your girl. When in doubt, like Tessou said, dimmed lights are relaxing and makes the both of you feel a little bit less like you're in an operating table, getting probed by aliens, or a pack of hot dogs in the fridge.

Music for me is always gotta be either a really groovy instrumental piece, or straight-up R&B+Disco, basically what you hear people that can actually sing, sing. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x0I6mhZ5wMw, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dBrRBZy8OTs, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kwEZRPkAAu8&t=31s, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I_izvAbhExY, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KL9mRus19o&t=19s, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GZXHBgjQjNM&t=19s, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lbnoG2dsUk0&t=20s, One Direction, etc etc... turn that stupid Eurobeat Techno J-pop shit off cause you're not flying an F-14 with Tom Cruise & it's too fast... unless you're planning on having sex at a rave/caveman orgy while you're both dancing on loopy pills. Go with anything that has a low tempo so your bodies can unwind & sync to the music

~ ☆彡

Like I mentioned, I've never had sex, but I've done a lot of freaky shit with both sexes that could technically land me in non-virgin territory... masturbation's great! it's even better with another person ~ sex with yourself, a bottle of maple syrup, or ~~fucking~~ smooching another living human being is fun! Shoot your goo, my dude! ~ user posted image

SPOILER

Posted by: APX Jul 16 2016, 08:24 PM

So as someone mentioned elsewhere...

What outfits/items do you enjoy putting on to 'spice' things up? Or what items did you/they use that was just for fun and things led to the magic case of whoopy? Do you prefer having something on (nurse outfit/cosplay things going on) to intensify the moment, or are you all for just stripping and being bare and enjoying the time?

Posted by: Tessou Jul 17 2016, 06:16 PM

I've worn all sorts of stuff you'd normally find at a sex shop.

My favorite one is a doctor's smock with a nametag for "Dr. Miles Long".

Posted by: Saint Aug 7 2016, 01:22 PM

You guys need Jesus.

Anyway, any good Asian 'star' recommendation?

Posted by: Nomake Wan Aug 7 2016, 07:13 PM

QUOTE (Saint @ 5 hours, 50 minutes ago)

Anyway, any good Asian 'star' recommendation?

Miku Abeno, Suzu Ichinose, Tsubomi, Love Saotome. Those are the big ones right off the top of my head. There are of course more but it depends on what you're into I guess.

Posted by: APX Aug 7 2016, 09:11 PM

Also depends on what you mean by 'Asian'.

We talking about just solely Japan based stars?
Or american ones?

American (IF you want) there's Kitty/Kitten Katsu, Katsumi, Ava Devine.
Though theres a few Japanese that have come to the states to get their american star thing going on, but can't think of their names.

Posted by: Saint Aug 7 2016, 10:31 PM

Nice. Will check the names.

I meant Asian Americans like Mia Li, Evelyn Li, Katsuni, Hase Marika, etc. I got bored with JAVs nowadays. Western ones seem more passionate in their acts, although they could skip the spitting part. Ewww.

I like girls with hot bodies like Yoshinaga Akane. Tsubomi's kinda underdeveloped in my taste.

Posted by: APX Aug 7 2016, 10:39 PM

Hase was a sole JAV star before coming to america.

I guess Hitomi is one, though she's only dabbled in lesbian scenes with americans/euros.

But almost all the 'hot' ones are pinoys for some reason. lol

Posted by: xiao Aug 8 2016, 12:52 AM

QUOTE (Saint @ Yesterday, 3:22 PM)

Anyway, any good Asian 'star' recommendation?

AINO KISHI　あいの希志　愛の騎士　I KNOW KEY SHIIIー(SON)　MOTHERFSCKING　→　 user posted image

AINO KISHI

God in Heaven I would rip my heart from my chest and give it to you for a single kiss from her!!

♪ ♫

http://blog.livedoor.jp/ainokishi

Posted by: Hannah Aug 8 2016, 07:28 AM

.........aaaaany reason why my post got deleted? >.>

Posted by: xiao Aug 8 2016, 07:47 AM

QUOTE (Hannah @ 19 minutes, 15 seconds ago)

.........aaaaany reason why my post got deleted? >.>

Spam. Casey derailed the thread & the rest was spam-sushi.

Don't question the neco-overlords, just smile & keep on dancin' \(^ヮ^)/ ♪ ♫ ~

Posted by: Hannah Aug 8 2016, 07:54 AM

Great fuckin' job, Casey. I actually had something useful to contribute.
And people wonder why I never post.

Posted by: APX Aug 8 2016, 09:51 AM

You can contribute now.

Posted by: Tessou Aug 8 2016, 10:02 AM

QUOTE (Hannah @ 2 hours, 8 minutes ago)

Great fuckin' job, Casey. I actually had something useful to contribute.
And people wonder why I never post.

If it was a big deal you'd just re-post it instead of complaining. Stop taking things so personally and move on.

Posted by: Hannah Aug 8 2016, 11:01 AM

Considering my history with this site, yeah, I will take it personally.

But yeah. Lily Thai is an Asian-American AV actress to consider.

Posted by: Tessou Aug 8 2016, 12:42 PM

QUOTE (Hannah @ 1 hour, 41 minutes ago)

Considering my history with this site, yeah, I will take it personally.

But yeah. Lily Thai is an Asian-American AV actress to consider.

Having a single post moved along with a large tide of nonsense is no reason for you to be offended. It was a simple mistake. I can't move it back very easily.

Posted by: logan510 Sep 4 2016, 02:58 PM

QUOTE (Hannah @ Aug 8 2016, 10:54 AM)

Great fuckin' job, Casey. I actually had something useful to contribute.
And people wonder why I never post.

You're welcome.

Posted by: xiao Sep 4 2016, 05:15 PM

★ I just wanna say that taking a shower with another person ~ with the lights-off & just a small-dim light ~ like a little flashlight on the counter or a candle ~ is very very sensual... user posted image

☆

★ No music ~ just the silence of the house ~ to the backdrop of shower droplets drizzling down the shower walls (and our bodies of course) ~ girl's liquid soap & two of those fluffy colored shower sponges to wash the other person's back too ~ x3 ♪ (ok maybe some light JT in the back for music xP) ♫

★ Not that I'd know... but it's something up in the air between myself & my HS ♥ sweetheart ~ for possible future exploration ~ (〃ω〃) ~ fufufu (I've had lots of fun in the shower by myself) being with her in the shower must be a million times more enjoyable ~

✨

Posted by: Tessou Sep 4 2016, 05:24 PM

Remember that you miss every shot that you don't take.

Posted by: xiao Sep 4 2016, 05:42 PM

QUOTE (Tessou @ 3 minutes, 53 seconds ago)

Remember that you miss every shot that you don't take.

★ So true !!

~ she's living in another city right now cause of work ~ but she'll be in town to visit her parents in x-mas so ~ *bow chika bow wow time*

~

★ Wait what type of shots are we talking about ~ cause I plan shoot it all over the place !!

https://youtube.com/watch?v=TSVHoHyErBQ

Image size reduced, original size: 4301 x 2419. http://imgur.com/zZv3TKN.jpg to view the image in its original dimension.

★ Touching the walls is out of bounds ~ but we still have to think of the punishment for violating the rules ~

fufufu!

Posted by: APX Sep 4 2016, 07:19 PM

Too many sponges in that picture.

Posted by: xiao Sep 4 2016, 08:56 PM

QUOTE (APX @ 1 hour, 20 minutes ago)

Too many sponges in that picture.

☆ But they're sooo cute!! tho and only 2 bucks at Targmart ~ XD

☆ I wanna get 2 white ones and 2 more dark green ones... to match the colour of my honey bunny's eyes... user posted image

<3

☆ I need to stop f☆p'ing the midnight tortilla ~ if I wanna have any ~~https://youtube.com/watch?v=kM1GY8vbzEc. propulsion~~ --> by the time she gets here... >:33

https://youtube.com/watch?v=Mpeohn2EdVc&t=34s

Posted by: APX Sep 4 2016, 09:47 PM

Dollar at the 99 cent store for me, even comes with the stick to reach the hard spots.

Posted by: Tessou Sep 4 2016, 09:52 PM

Those scrubbers in Xiao's picture are petri dishes. They never dry out well, so bacteria just sits in there and breeds over time. If you aren't changing them out rather frequently, you're gonna have a bad time.

Just use pumice soap (Lava is a popular brand). It'll open your pores right up, and you'll smell awesome.

EDIT: Ceci admonished me for not mentioning that you should seek out and obtain a "Japanese bath towel" ASAP. They are usually listed as "exfoliating skin towels", and they are indeed awesome.

Posted by: xiao Sep 4 2016, 10:07 PM

QUOTE (APX @ 7 minutes, 5 seconds ago)

Dollar at the 99 cent store for me, even comes with the stick to reach the hard spots.

Damn I gotta go to the dollar tree more often! X3

QUOTE (Tessou @ 1 minute, 46 seconds ago)

I've never used pumice soap, but it looks pretty good ~ I like the porey texture ~ the little scrubbers are to work-up a foamy lather ~ but yeps I also switch 'em out like once a month cause it starts getting mooshy & looking like something out of a Ghostbusters movie ~

★ Holy crap thanx Ceci & Tess ~ why didin't I know about Japanese bath towels

~ I won't need those little scrubbers to wash myself now... but they're still pretty cute to have fun with liquid soap & your honey bun too! Albeit they won't do anything lol

~ Rubber duckies too can't forget the ducky ~

Posted by: MidnightViper88 Sep 7 2016, 06:13 PM

QUOTE (Tessou @ Sep 5 2016, 01:52 AM)

This is only a problem if you have more than one and don't use them every day. When I use a bath poof to wash parts of myself that I wouldn't even touch with my finger when scrubbed clean out of personal principle, a little fucking bacteria is the lowest of priorities. In either case, they're washing machine friendly.

Posted by: Tessou Sep 7 2016, 06:52 PM

I just toss them because they cost $2 at the most.

Posted by: xiao Sep 7 2016, 07:02 PM

QUOTE (MidnightViper88 @ 45 minutes, 50 seconds ago)

When I use a bath poof to wash parts of myself that I wouldn't even touch with my finger when scrubbed clean out of personal principle...

My fingers go in~out~up~down~left~right & pretty much everywhere the Konami-code+Turbo-button allows me... how long they remain in those places & the range of motion all depends on what's going of through my head at the moment tho...

✨

Posted by: sideways Oct 3 2016, 09:13 PM

Posted by: xiao Oct 3 2016, 10:46 PM

^ d'aww c'mon man ~ share at least one story of the sexy times brotha! A stunning bloke such as yourself must have a journal of 'em -- no makin' up lies tho! It has to be true with a Carlton-Ritz selfie & everything ~ I know when someone's making love stories up cause I swallowed a polygraph once... it tasted like evaporated soy drink... user posted image

;

Posted by: APX Oct 4 2016, 08:11 AM

Maybe that's his experience? He's a blue collar man, he's in for a few seconds and out and done.

Posted by: xiao Oct 4 2016, 09:48 AM

QUOTE (APX @ 1 hour, 37 minutes ago)

Maybe that's his experience? He's a blue collar man, he's in for a few seconds and out and done.

That's the power of being a Nuclear Reactor Engineer ~ only way to transform that much kinetic energy is by doin' it sideways !!

Posted by: xiao Feb 13 2017, 11:54 AM

^ bump

Figured I'd ask y'all guys before I do a Google search given Google results tend to be a tad impersonal ~ Quick question ...

→ What's the best sexual intercourse lubrication ?? (looks at Tessou

)

Anything better than KY Jelly would be ace ~ KY's what we used to intubate people with airway problems & it smells/feels like plastic MuvLuv goo

~

I just wanna use it to fap but who knows better be prepared just in case I ever actually use it eh? So what's a good one or two brands y'all really like?

~

Edit: So after some Googling ~ this one looks rather neat & gewd

Posted by: umustwait101 Oct 11 2017, 01:41 PM

Ky is a popular brand. Silicone based should be satisfying and safe to use.

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

Posted by: xiao Oct 11 2017, 02:22 PM

QUOTE (umustwait101 @ 41 minutes, 15 seconds ago)

Ky is a popular brand. Silicone based should be satisfying and safe to use.

Standard KY is what we used to intubate people w/ life threatening airway obstructions when I worked as an EMT. Nurses & doctors use it all the time to facilitate numerous things in the hospital setting too. Intubation's a delicate skill, and if you're not careful, you can damage the person's vocal chords inserting or pulling the tube in/out, so training & gentleness is important.

I wouldn't use KY sex lube for medical use tho .. way too dangerous, standard KY is suffice. Also some people are allergic to Latex, so a synthetic rubber like Silicone is great for a water-based soluble lubricant like KY. I had to wear vinyl gloves around some patients w/ latex allergies so as to prevent an anaphylactic reaction, not sure about the safety or plausibility of a vinyl water-based lubricant ～ but silicone is good.

☆ Your sex-ed thread revival leaves me guessing you're in the mood for something naughty tho mumu ..

♡

https://youtube.com/watch?v=by3yRdlQvzs

Image size reduced, original size: 5376 x 3024. http://imgur.com/aHoS9xA.jpg to view the image in its original dimension.

Posted by: umustwait101 Dec 21 2018, 06:52 PM

I don't need sex tips. You only need them if you have sex.

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

Posted by: Tessou Dec 21 2018, 07:08 PM

I should ban the IP range of whoever possessed your account to keep dredging up old threads.

Posted by: umustwait101 Dec 21 2018, 07:11 PM

QUOTE (Tessou @ 3 minutes, 8 seconds ago)

I should ban the IP range of whoever possessed your account to keep dredging up old threads.

Oops. Sorry. I'm not being possessed. I'm just a little drunk. But the last reply for these threads aren't even that old.

Edit: oops, sorry, it's more than a year old.

Edit2: I feel like I'm being watched...

Posted by: Spaz Dec 22 2018, 02:53 PM

I feel like if you want to have current, relevant conversation, you should hop on Discord.

Posted by: umustwait101 Dec 22 2018, 05:36 PM

I feel like discord is a black hole and I'm being sucked in. Help!!! Is it too late? I thought i had reached escape velocity...

[ Post made via Mobile Device ]

Posted by: Tessou Dec 23 2018, 06:45 PM

Come home, Umu. We kept it warm for you.

Posted by: MidnightViper88 Dec 24 2018, 05:48 AM

QUOTE (umustwait101 @ Dec 22 2018, 09:36 PM)

I feel like discord is a black hole and I'm being sucked in. Help!!! Is it too late? I thought i had reached escape velocity...

Black holes dont work that way. Once you're past the event horizon, you're in, like crossing the thin line with a friend.

There is no escape velocity for child support.

Posted by: umustwait101 Dec 25 2018, 11:29 PM

QUOTE (MidnightViper88 @ Yesterday, 5:48 AM)

Black holes dont work that way. Once you're past the event horizon, you're in, like crossing the thin line with a friend.

There is no escape velocity for child support.

That's not my kid! That's NAHT!

Good thing I haven't had sex.

Black holes not my thing for now.

I refuse to come back until I lose my virginity.

Posted by: umustwait101 Jan 24 2019, 12:03 PM

I'll be going back soon.