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> [FANFIC] Carbon Expressway - Epilogue, A Rift in Time
Rudy
  Posted: Feb 14 2008, 03:58 AM


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This post has been edited by Dorifuta on Sep 28 2013, 11:10 PM
Meteor
Posted: Feb 14 2008, 04:43 AM


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This is a rather different fic.

And I would like to see more.

*adds to fanfic list*

This post has been edited by Meteor on Feb 14 2008, 05:00 AM
Wheels84ss
Posted: Feb 14 2008, 04:53 AM


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So far so good... I do like the writing style... lets see where it's gonna go...
red comet 7
Posted: Feb 14 2008, 02:31 PM


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the writing is cool and all. i dont know if this is the case so dont hate me if im wrong, but this almost seems like youre a supra fan boy trying to make one sound cool...like the way you described the upgrades on it was like something you want to do to yours...i mean, you coulda started off with a turbo supra...it didnt have to be NA in the beginning..

and the yellow muscle car, sounds like a dream car of yours or something. that you would like to see in these manga and anime...
most people that write fan fics based on these stories, try and stay true to the world and basis of it...

and i mean in fiction your car can be anything. Any color, with all types of specs...and to me this sounded like you were tryin to write about you or someone you know owns a supra and used what they WANT to do it as the specs...


and thats cool and all, but the baby blue supra with a "flat black hood"??!?!
thats not something you just write in... the supra could've had a CARBON hood.

and Baby Blue? that would make the car look something like this.user posted image

thats not exactly a very popular color among supra owners...

it almost sounds like you own one, and are trying to make it into a "HERO" car...

sorry for the ranting, other than that the writing is good. those were just a couple of things that made me stop for a second. youre writing is enjoyable and i hope you contiune to enjoy the process of it, and keeping with it, so i can read more.

good job.
Drew
Posted: Feb 14 2008, 05:24 PM


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Great job, Dori.

Got the roads dead-on down here in South Jersey.

Gotta rep & recognize, yo.

pnoytecknix
Posted: Feb 14 2008, 07:21 PM


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awesome start dori. cant wait to see where this goes.
Nomake Wan
Posted: Feb 15 2008, 12:53 AM


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QUOTE (red comet 7 @ Yesterday at 2:31 PM)
the writing is cool and all. i dont know if this is the case so dont hate me if im wrong, but this almost seems like youre a supra fan boy trying to make one sound cool...like the way you described the upgrades on it was like something you want to do to yours...i mean, you coulda started off with a turbo supra...it didnt have to be NA in the beginning..

and the yellow muscle car, sounds like a dream car of yours or something. that you would like to see in these manga and anime...
most people that write fan fics based on these stories, try and stay true to the world and basis of it...

and i mean in fiction your car can be anything. Any color, with all types of specs...and to me this sounded like you were tryin to write about you or someone you know owns a supra and used what they WANT to do it as the specs...


and thats cool and all, but the baby blue supra with a "flat black hood"??!?!
thats not something you just write in... the supra could've had a CARBON hood.

and Baby Blue? that would make the car look something like this.

thats not exactly a very popular color among supra owners...

it almost sounds like you own one, and are trying to make it into a "HERO" car...

sorry for the ranting, other than that the writing is good. those were just a couple of things that made me stop for a second. youre writing is enjoyable and i hope you contiune to enjoy the process of it, and keeping with it, so i can read more.

good job.

His real car is that color. link So you're probably right-on when it comes to his selection of vehicles.

However, what's so bad about that? What's so wrong about choosing cars you like for your fanfic? I mean, look at Twitchy's Haruhi/InitialD/Wangan fics. Does he not have a main character driving an Integra? Did you call him out on that, too? And I'm sure that plenty other fanfic authors put their own personal favorites in as well. Heck if I were to write a Wangan fic, I'd definitely star an SVX.

So what's wrong with it?
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thx712517
Posted: Feb 15 2008, 03:54 AM


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I think every author should be able to include his personal car as either a cameo appearance or as a villain car, but anything beyond that does need to be justified. The writing style is interesting, although using italics for speech in the first part of the story is a new one for me. The story does have potential to be interesting as long as it doesn't turn into the writer patting himself on the back for how cool he is.
Nomake Wan
Posted: Feb 15 2008, 04:12 AM


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QUOTE (thx712517 @ Today at 3:54 AM)
The writing style is interesting, although using italics for speech in the first part of the story is a new one for me.

The story does have potential to be interesting as long as it doesn't turn into the writer patting himself on the back for how cool he is.

He did that to discern between two un-named people talking to one another. Of course, by the rules of English, we should be able to tell that without italics anyway since you have to start a new line when the speech changes from one character to another (which he did). So the italics are kinda redundant.

This is right on point, and a major thing to avoid with original fanfiction. I agree completely; as long as it continues on within the story-land and doesn't turn into a self-promotion-fest it should turn out really cool.
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red comet 7
Posted: Feb 15 2008, 01:23 PM


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QUOTE (Nomake Wan @ Today at 4:12 AM)

This is right on point, and a major thing to avoid with original fanfiction. I agree completely; as long as it continues on within the story-land and doesn't turn into a self-promotion-fest it should turn out really cool.

and thats my problem with the car he chose.

he didnt just a write a story about an old supra.

he was very specific in the color "baby blue" with a "flat black hood"

first off baby blue is not a very traditional JDM color and "flat black hood" is pretty much as ricer as it gets.

he could have made the supra something really nice with a "carbon hood"

and like you said with the self promotion fest, thats what it sounded like...like he owned the car and was trying to make it "cool" by writing about it.

for example my FC in real life has a WHITE TII hood on it. that is because it was originally NA, and i converted it into a complete TURBO II. and the hood is necessary for the car to run, because the motor has a top mount intercooler, and that was the only hood i was able to get my hands on. but if i was writing a Fan Fic about my car, i would not include the part about a white hood. see what im saying? thats the point i was trying to make, and there is no problem with including the cars you love, anyone would do that. it just seemed like what you pointed out earlier, a self-promotion fest.

other than that its pretty good i enjoyed it for what it is.
Nomake Wan
Posted: Feb 15 2008, 01:27 PM


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Way to quote a later post in response to someone else and completely ignore what I said in response to your post, man. Thumbs up. Putting in one car that's yours and others you like into your fanfic is not what I'd consider a "self-promotion-fest." You should be able to tell that by my sentence structure. Lemme break it down for you.

"[A]s long as it continues on within the story-land and doesn't turn into a self-promotion-fest it should turn out really cool."

"As long as" and "doesn't turn into" suggest to the reader that the story is not presently a self-promotion-fest in my opinion.
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red comet 7
Posted: Feb 15 2008, 01:38 PM


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well in my opinion it was well on its way there with a car like that!

and i didnt ignore you. i stated exactly what was wrong with it. in detail i explained why i didnt like the car.

and i just said that putting car's you love and own in a fan fic is fine. so whats your deal?

your exact words were, "So whats wrong with it?"
and i told you.

so hows that ignoring you?

he was coming back to the forums and wanted opinions on his writing so i gave him mine, and you jump all over it. whats the deal?

Nomake Wan
Posted: Feb 15 2008, 01:41 PM


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Just seemed ridiculously harsh over something ridiculously small. tongue.gif
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red comet 7
Posted: Feb 15 2008, 01:53 PM


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Its the same thing in racing the small details decide the outcome.

and can make or brake the win.
Rudy
  Posted: Feb 15 2008, 11:48 PM


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Meteor
Posted: Feb 16 2008, 05:43 AM


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The part with the Supra driver dying is slightly confusing. But the next chapter should clear that up.

And, as is your trademark, more well done driving scenes are present in this fic.

In short: MOAR! Please?
Drew
Posted: Feb 16 2008, 11:46 AM


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Is that a hint of Nomake Wan I see there?!

Once again, another brilliant chapter, Dori!
MattW
Posted: Feb 16 2008, 12:36 PM


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Hmmmm, that "past" part seems A LOT like Vanishing Point. tongue.gif
red comet 7
Posted: Feb 17 2008, 08:20 PM


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goin good so far...really open though..
Wheels84ss
Posted: Feb 27 2008, 08:57 AM


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Another good chapter bro.. as always keep em coming... (and don't kill this one off when it gets really good like the last one)

And It usually takes him about 4 or 5 chapters to really get to the meat of the story... he likes to leave us hanging that way...
Rudy
  Posted: Mar 5 2008, 11:35 AM


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HashiriyaR32
Posted: Mar 5 2008, 12:16 PM


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Care to explain why Tatsuya is driving a Z rather than a 911?

EDIT: Oops, didn't realize it's a demo car.

This post has been edited by HashiriyaR32 on Mar 5 2008, 12:16 PM
Meteor
Posted: Mar 5 2008, 06:47 PM


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Another awesomely done chapter! Especially the high-speed Wangan battle between the FD, Z and the 'vette.
Drew
Posted: Mar 6 2008, 06:18 PM


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The visual language used in the racing scenes is AMAZING!

Another great chapter, Dori.
Hannah
Posted: Mar 6 2008, 07:56 PM


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QUOTE
Another awesomely done chapter! Especially the high-speed Wangan battle between the FD, Z and the 'vette.


What Corvette are you talking about? It was stated it WASN'T a Corvette.
However, if you wanna play "Guess That Car", be my guest.
Not all 'gaijin' drive Corvettes. D:

----


I really like how you incorporate all these different series.. It's really really interesting. Hurry up and post more chapters, ok? :3
Overall and seperately...
I really feel the character.. the way you portray each canon character and original character, it's really powerful.. true to their nature and yet unpredictable! If you know what I'm saying...

This post has been edited by Paula-tan on Mar 6 2008, 08:08 PM

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